A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey all, my problem is my daughter, she is a beautiful 13 yr old, now she and i have been given a hard time by her dad we are still together just. she has no confidence and is 10 and a half stone shes not tall and so does look a big girl. i have suffered on and off all my life with eating disorders which started by me asking my mum if what id eaten was alot then counting what id had in terms of food not calories. the past few weeks my daughter has done exactly the same to me and she knows nothing about my own food problems, coinsidence or not. i know she is overweight and when she asks i just say your beautiful. i realize she will grow but she does dance drama after school and dances all the time at home im not sure how to handle it properly without making the situation worse all advice desperately needed she eats lots of fruit n veg and does not really eat crisps takeaways i just cant confirm to her she is overweight when she asks me xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Firstly, I think you need to be commended for reaching out to others, asking for advice. My sister has struggled with an eating disorder since she hit her teens and my parents denied it not only to everyone else, but also themselves. It's now out of control and there's nothing they can do.It's a big step admitting to the problem in the first place. We know the mortality rates for this are high and sometimes it's just too painful to grasp the fact you're own child may be about to battle this horrible disease.Looking at what's happened (and is continuing to happen) to my sister, my advice is to get her help with this ASAP, otherwise you run the risk of it getting worse and OUT OF CONTROL. Anorexia and bulimia are diseases that eat away at the person until there's not much left! It's like a little voice in the back of their mind telling them they're fat; they're useless; they're not good enough! My sister went from being a fully functional and high-achieving teenager to a shell of a person, both mentally and physically. Now, she can barely hold down a job; can't function without constant emotional support from her parents and uses everyone in her life to feed her desperately frail ego.If I were you, I would confront your daughter about the problem. I would have a heart to heart talk with her and ask what sort of things she's been thinking.. what she's been doing with food etc. I would try to open up the communication and be her shoulder to cry on, so you can keep tabs of what's happening.. how much it's affecting her life. Keep in mind though that the disease causes the sufferer to become extremely secretive.. and so you need to tune into your gut feelings if you think it's worse than she's making out.I'd also suggest that you talk to her about seeing a counsellor. I wouldn't make your suggestion sound like it's something to do with the food thing, but more a chance for her to talk to someone about things she may be going through in her life etc. The best thing to do is keep her talking about how she thinks and feels, so she doesn't internalise it and start manifesting her stress and anxieties through controlling her food intake.I am deeply sorry to hear you're going through this, or possibly at the beginning stages anyway. It's not easy, but the best thing to do is maintain an honest and open relationship with your daughter. Don't let her retreat into herself. Make sure you do your best to find out what's happening in her life etc. It's really a disorder that requires an expert to deal with it though. Good parenting only goes so far. Even though you've suffered from your own issues with eating, don't beat up on yourself. It sounds like you've done the best you can not to make your daughter aware of your own habits with food. Eating disorders are also very hereditary. This may of been something she was genetically susceptable to, as you were.. and it's taken stress in her life to trigger it. They ARE treatable though, with the right parenting and a healthy approach with regular counselling etc.. together, you can beat this!I wish you all the very best in fighting this. Your daughter is lucky though to have a lovely, caring mum who is looking out for her best interests :)
A
female
reader, Mjfbla  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Hm...well this is a hard question to answer. Just because she asks a question doesnt mean she is going what you did. Maybe try sitting down with her and asking her if she is ok, and what she thinks about her body. If she admits that she feels that she is chubby then along with explaining in a couple of years she will grow taller and be more adjusted in her weight, maybe ask her if she thought it would help if you guys went on a healthy diet together, or you guys worked out together. Basically get her going on a healthy passage to lose weight. It is important that you make it seem like a mother daughter thing. LIke well we can do this together and become more HEALTY. Cutting back on soda or eating a fruit 30 mins before can all help. Also let her know she can always talk to you without her getting in trouble as long as she is honest.
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A
female
reader, Cherrymango +, writes (28 December 2010):
I myself have struggled with my weight all my life. It's a hard one to call as such things can be genetically determind but if she sees you grappling openly with such things she is far more likely to develop problems relating to food. My advice is to visit your family doctor together if she asks questions relating to her weight at this time, which is a touchy time for girls anyhow, and he or she can work through these problems, and even refer you to a dietician for further advice. As you say she dances a lot which is a good pointer she does not have a serious problem or very low self esteem, and from the sounds of things you have a close relationship so working things out together in my opinion is the best route for you both. Good luck and hope this helps :)
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