A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a single mom of 2 and this subject is very sensitive to me and embarrassing but I need some advice on this matter. My son is 15 and my sister has a daughter that is 14. So they are cousins. My sister informed me this weekend that her daughter, went to her about an issue regarding my son. My sister told me that Alicia, my neice, and my son had sex at a party which alcohol was involved and no pretection was worn. She didn't get pregnant but she admitted to her mom that a few of their friends were all getting drunk so they did to and in the middle of the night, they played spin the bottle and my son and Alicia had to "make out" in front of ppl. According to Alicia, after the game was over, her and my son, went outside with a few friends and the 2 friends left to go "have sex" in their car and Alicia and my son had sex in their friends back yard. It was their first time to have sex. I haven't asked my saon about it and am not sure how to. Any ideas? Its very embarrasing!
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female
reader, lilLindz_21 +, writes (13 June 2011):
 It really depends on how you feel about the situatioon. I think this stuff is more common than we think but its not admitted. Basically because its "gross" to society and no one wants to be judged. But it happens.
Explain to them that it was a one time thing and it shouldn't happen again. But if they liked it, it probably will occur more. Especially if they live near by.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Before you say anything to your son, think through what you want to accomplish with the conversation. Is your sister alleging that you son pressured his cousin, or that the sex was in any way other than consensual? Or is this simply an instance of bad teenage judgment -- underage drinking, sex in an unsafe environment, sex with an inappropriate partner – that you believe needs to be pointed out and punished? You need to be level-headed and as unemotional as possible about this. You don’t want to send the wrong message, you don’t want to discourage him from being honest with you, and you want to demonstrate that despite your embarrassment about the whole subject that you can conduct a mature and productive conversation about it.
Think about what consequences you think ought to be imposed. It might be worthwhile to find out what your sister plans to do with her daughter – if you two are on the same page, the kids may see their punishment as less unjust.
Try to anticipate your son’s reaction when you bring up the subject. Denial, defiance? Have a strategy in mind to deal with however he reacts.
In short, be prepared. Then choose a time when he’s most likely to be receptive, and a place for the conversation where you can be assured of privacy.
This is one of those tough parental challenges they don’t give us a manual for. Good luck!
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