A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 32 year old female. About 10 months ago I needed to find a new place to live, so responded to a random online roommmate ad. The guy is 35 and really awesome.There was about 2-3 weeks before I actually moved in, and during that time we were constantly texting. It got flirty/sexual. I went to meet him a couple of days before I was to move to pick up keys, have a drink, get to know eachother some, and we ended up having a nice time. So nice that we ended up back and my place messing around a little hahaSince moving in we get along great. We have a lot of similar interests and seem to "get" eachother. We don't spend time outside the house doing stuff together, we don't hang out at home much except to watch an occasional tv show, we rarely text/flirt with eachother since I moved in. I think we both purposely avoid eachother to a certain extent because, well...things could get weird living together and carrying on a more close type of relationship at the same time.We have messed around several occasions and have sex once in a while. However, we never stay the night in eachothers beds and he avoids kissing. He's brought home about 5 girls or so in the past 10 months. I really don't mind. I think because I know he's not serious about any of them. I brought a guy home once and he didn't mind. We actually started texting about it the next day and ended up flirting with eachother. He got divorced for the second time just a couple of months before I moved in, so for the last several months I figured he's just having a good time. I also got out of a 3 year long relationship right before I moved in, so haven't been ready to have another serious relationship. There are times where we chat and it always comes up how great/awesome whatever the other person is to live with and be around. Even though we don't spend much time together, I miss him when we don't see eachoter for a few days because of opposite work schedules or vacations, etc. When I'm missing him I won't say anything, but almost every time within an hour of feeling that way I'll get a text or call from him out of the blue "checking" on me. It's usually simple, "Hi, I haven't seen you in a few days, how are you?" blah blah blah He seems to watch out for me to a certain extent and makes sure I'm ok. I feel safe with him. I also try to watch out for him and will do little stuff here and there to be nice (make food he likes, etc).He is looking at selling our (his) current place and talked to me about it to see if I was ok with that. He said he'd really like for me to move with him to the next place, which I'd be happy to do. He is a great roommate, too-- responsible, not messy, considerate, etc. I'd be hard pressed to find another one like this.In the last month we have been talking a lot more and I think, starting to let our guards down some. It's nice. But the more we talk to eachother the more I find myself having feelings for him, which is probably not good living together. I am not sure how he feels about me. I think there is some level of attraction there (not to sound snobby, but we are both better than average looking people). But, I don't know what he thinks of me otherwise. I don't know if I should go back to trying to avoid him, let things continue as-is and see what happens, talk to him, or what. I've liked him since I moved in, but knew neither of us was in a position for another relationship, plus add in the fact that we are living together and it was just not the time/place. But now that like/get along with feeling seems to slowly be turning into like-like.Any advice on this touchy situation? I don't want to make the situation "weird" between us, don't want to lose a great roommate, and don't know if I'll always be ok with things as-is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Oh, BTW, to clarify, the title of this post is probably a little off/inaccurate. I didn't add one myself, so this is what the moderators came up with. Could we end up in a relationship? Maybe. But, it's not that I think he's all into me. Yeah, we flirt, chat (perhaps too much lately), and generally get along, but I'm not reading any one of those things as he's into me/wants a relationship. Just was wondering where he was going with all the talking lately...If he's lonely, stressed out, wants to get to know me, maybe is liking me a little, or just thinks its a way to get more sex haha
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. Just to clarify, I'm not necessarily wanting to be his GF. I'm definitely not ready for that at this point. Because of his wanting to talk more, I just can't quite get a read on him and what his intentions are lately or where this could be headed down the road (if anywhere).Yes, I absolutely do like him. He is awesome and as I said it'd be hard to replace him as a roommate. However, I'm not totally gaga or sold on the idea of a relationship with him.Cerberus, he hasn't avoided me after we've hooked up, even in the beginning. I leave his room after messing around, too. I don't want to hang out and get too close to him. We don't screw around or have sex too often, I think for the very reason we don't want things to get "weird". We are built in booty calls. I think neither of us has been ready for something serious--with eachother or other people. We both just got out of long term relationships when we met. I think we both were/are looking for a little fun. Hence, my not caring about the other girls he's brought home. They're all toys. Same with any of the guys I've gone out with-- just don't want anything from them.If things continue as-is, that's fine, but I think I need to back off talking to him to avoid developing any actual feelings. I do like him, but am not wanting a relationship at this time. I love living with him. I've had nightmare roommates over the years, so to have someone responsible, clean, etc. has been amazing. It's just his recent chattiness in the last month that has thrown me for a loop. Why is he suddenly wanting to talk more? I'm guessing its probably as simple as you said, Cerebus, you live with someone long enough and you are bound to get to know them more. Think my best bet is probably to continue as-is and cut out the chit chat and things won't progress/will go back to as before.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): Honeypie is right OP, you're a booty call. It's kind of crazy you don't see that too, it's extremely obvious by everything you say and you don't even mention it once, it's not even a possibility in your mind because this guy is fabulous. You are gushing like a love sick teen about how wonderful he is but there is actually nothing here OP but a friends with benefits situation. Nothing. You think all these texts and things are signs, they're not, that's what we do with our booty OP. It's funny because he throws you out of the bed when he's done with you, in a nice way of course, like he would any of his other random hook ups.
He does that purposefully to deny you the chance to get closer.
OP this opening up thing you seem to think is another sign is just the natural progression of a friendship. You slowly start to get closer and develop a bond and open up.
Want to know how I definitely know this is just a casual hook up thing? He hasn't actually said anything about feelings and gets very closed off and awkward when he thinks things may be serious like the early days when he avoided you after boning you. You think if he actually liked you in that way that he wouldn't have wanted more of you? Wanted to talk to you about it or still isn't even attempting to go near the subject of this?
I mean if it is what you think it is then why are you scared? Simple your gut is telling you something is off. It may feel right emotionally, the sex may be fun, the texts may be sweet, he may be amazing but something in you has the fear of getting hurt and making things "weird". You wouldn't feel that way if you were sure of what you were telling us.
OP you talk about not wanting to lose a great room mate well guess what you already have because you've developed real feelings for him, to you he's more than a room mate now and if you think you can be happy just being his fuck toy then you're crazy, you really think you can go on building feelings for him and watch as he brings girls home?
It's time to get things out in the open, you need to discuss this openly with him, see if you can start dating. You need to know this well before he gets a new place too.
If he's not interested in that with you now OP he never will be and you were only ever an easy piece of ass. If he says yes then you cna make a go of it. But OP either way you're going to have to do this, you can fool yourself all you want that things are progressing but they're not, nothing is happening here except a booty call, nothing OP. Most guys treat their fuck buddies like girlfriends and sometimes better than our girlfriends because there's no commitment but that also means we sleep around and we probably end up finding someone else too.
If he really liked you he would have said something by now, he wouldn't be keeping you at a distance, kicking you out of the bed after sex and he certainly wouldn't be hooking up with other girls. You're just one of those hook ups but he has to give you more time and effort because he can keep banging you if he does.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2012):
 To be it sounds like you are more of a build in booty call then a potential GF for this guy, sorry.
He isn't ASKING you to move in with him at his new place, but he would like you move you along, line a nice piece of furniture or.. again having a continuous booty call down the hall.
I think if you are SERIOUS about this guy, and he is about you - I would suggest you two start to date, go out together and NO sex til you two are sure that you want to be BF/GF.
I'd be really weary of getting into a relationship with this guy.
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