A
female
age
30-35,
*effii
writes:Dear Cupid, excuse the frantic typing; I'm really at a loss with this situation.I've been in this lesbian relationship with A, for 3 years now. I can really say that we've been through the thickest and the thinnest of situations, we've had our ups and downs, side to side, at some points it had broken us but we always found each other in the end, resolved the problem and continued stronger. I can say I know her in and out, as I've been living with her and her family for just over a year.Coming from a religious Catholic family, our ups and downs involved a lot to do with the fact that it was not acceptable, hence I was kicked out and began living with A.As time heals all, my family have been accepting her over the months, as they soon realised that we are truly in love, and they can see that A has proven herself to treat me like a queen compared to my exes. So all is jolly and well right??Unfortunately, I will be leaving to start university in a couple of weeks, and it has really been dwelling on our minds lately, as she is very insecure and scared because of all she's heard about university life. I've assured her a thousand times from the bottom of my heart that I won't let that happen, that 3 years of unity is not going to fizzle when I leave. My uni is 1 hour away by car, I will be visiting constantly with my railcard, I'm even going abroad with her and her family to meet the rest of the family.Basically, I will be moving the day after my birthday, and I've heard she's got major plans for me, so yesterday we were talking and the subject of marriage had come up ( as always) and I remember saying to her that I wouldn't want to marry or even get engaged yet, as right now I have other priorities, and we have the rest of our lives together to do that. She got so upset, as she doesn't wanna wait any longer. She asked me if I don't feel ready, and I replied that I am, but it's just so soon, I wanna wait as there's no rush. Now she's a little pissed with me as she was going to propose to me on my birthday...What I am trying to ask is, am I being silly? We haven't even started life together yet, we haven't travelled, or got our own place yet, I feel lik 3 years is still early, but she feels it's not. I am not scared to commit with a ring, but I want the timing to be right and to me it's all being rushed, I feel like she's more putting the ring on my finger to send a message when I go uni, to lock me down. Her mum knew about it and now I don't want her to get the idea that I don't love her because I do. I feel horrible for messing up A's plans but I'm still so young, and she's the type to take things the wrong way first before u explain, but how can I explain?? I'm so stuck agony aunts, please send me your advice x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 September 2015):
 The ring is more a symbol that you are with each other long term and nothing else in the world would come between you two. She wants university students to see the ring and know that you are not available. The ring doesn't mean that you have to speed up getting a house, settle down and never get to travel.
The ups and downs had taken a toll on her. She feels that a ring would soothe her fears and that wearing it is a promise that no matter what you would never break up again.
Many married young couples still live at home to save money. It's no longer an embarrassment. I myself would find it silly to be married by living at two addresses. But when it comes to long distance many people get married before they have to leave for school or work, if the ring is what it takes to make the other one feel secure.
I feel that you are the tougher one, or maybe the "guy" one in the relationship so maybe you feel you should be the one proposing?
I would say wear the ring, make her happy then worry about the official stuff later. It's more of a gesture and every relationship is different. It's what you make it. Tell her that you can wear the ring, you know fully that you are not going to act single. But that doesn't mean conversations about getting a house and babies would follow.
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