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female
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anonymous
writes: Tonight I just got back from a night out with my husband. He was eyeing up this girl who was eyeing up him back right in front of me, so engrossed with each other they didn’t even notice me storm off. When I moved back closer I saw him holder her intimately. I shoved her off him, and shouted at him. He said I was stupid; he’d known her 6 years. I split on him to calm down, went to find him later, and both him and her were gone.Assuming they left together, I chatted up some guy (revenge). My husband came over threatened him, went for me, I got scared and shook him, begging him not to but I got kicked out because the bouncers thought I was just crazy on drugs. While I was out there that girl came out and told some guy to get me, saying I stopped her chatting up "some guy", some guy being my husband!I don’t think that really is the way to talk about someone you supposedly have known 6 years. I think he lied to me and he didn’t know her and like she said they were chatting each other up.Me and my husband have had 2 children together and I don’t even like him looking at another girl, yet all I can think about is finding him and making another excuse for him.Anyone have any strong words?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Whoa, why did you to get together in the first place and is this the only time this has happened?
Where you all completely straight at this time or where some of you on psychoactive drugs (alcohol, coke e's etc) as they can distort you perception of whta exactly happened. If this is the case are you going to throw away your marriage.
You both sound as if you need professional relationship help, and this is going to end up in a downward spiral until one or other of u actually commits full blown adultery.
TALK TO HIM!!
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (26 February 2006):
 You have cleared up a few things for me and my advice is to ditch this rat, he is no good for you or your kids, get him out before he hurts you some more.
Get a solicitor or go to an advice centre, you need to know your financial and visitation rights, he is a rat and you need to think about why you have given him this many chances.
Any man that hits you let alone tries to strangle you is beyond saving and no ammount of help will make him any different, he is a womanising bully and you will be sooooo much better off without him, trust me!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for answering, i guess it does seem that i had a hot head that night but i guess theres alot more going on with that than i wrote , when i say he threatened the othr guy and went for me i mean he punched the other guy then then strangled me, the reason i flipped is because he has almost killed me 3 times and he has been in court for it , if he does it again he will go straight down for it for 2 years and i will be left with the kids, i just didnt want to cloud the problem with a separate issue as i know that is bad but we are having help for this issue already.
i dont know if he has a wandering eye he does glance at people i dont know why or if its for that reason but it does worry me if its a pretty girl he stares at, but as for having an affair i always felt i could trust him completely but now i dont even have that.
i did try asking him about her like you said but he says he cant remember anything, although i dont think this is true either.
he has told me he will quit the drink if i take him back, but i am already starting to think back to when he used to out without me and come back with scratches on his back i brushed it aside before but like you said irish the trust is gone now.
thanks for the advice, its helped x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): A core feature of a strong marriage relationship is trust. So..let's deal with reality. There is no denying it-your husband is a cheater. Trust has been obliterated here. Dear, your husband has 'chosen' to rip your marriage and your children's world apart. Even if you and he remain together, you will be in forever torment. If you can't trust your partner, if you cannot rely on your partner, then you will always be divided and apart from the one person who should be standing beside you against the world. You will always be wondering about him, when this will happen again and with whom, Fears will consume you-self-doubts will plague you. Always questioning yourself. Is he here for the sake of the kids? Is he here because he loves you? Obviously, his behaviours with this other woman should tell you he didn't care because he did it right in front of you. What is that telling you, hun? If you can live that way..in constant tumoil, fearfulness, and having what's left of your self-esteem and heart ripped out consistently..then stay and put up with it. But...remember-'you can't get stepped on if you're not laying down'. So rather than having him 'wipe the dirt off his boots on your back'...get proactive and do something to look out for you and these two kids. Put aside your fears, your doubts and become strong. Do something that makes you happy. No matter what, when Mom is happy and healthy...the kids are happier, well adjusted. and better off. It's time to for you to grow and flourish into a gracious, strong woman and leave this all this misery behind.
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (24 February 2006):
Wow I would not like to get on the wrong side of you, and on the surface of it, you seem to be right about him just meeting her, but what is they do know each other would this make a difference, I think not as it is not so much when they met it is more that he is hitting it off with another woman and lets face it, that is what is hurting and bugging you.
Does he have a wandering eye, some men just like to flirt, that is not to say it is ok but most of the time it is harmless, or does he give you real cause for concern, has he had an affair?
You say that you dont like him looking at other women, is this because he does not pay you attention, and if so this is not good.
It seems like you all had a hot head that night and to be honest you will never get to the bottom of what really went on, but I think this does not really matter as what you need to be concerned about is if your husband has made plans to meet this woman, ask him, see what the says!!
You have two children so you have to consider them in this, is it worth persuing what happened that night if you dont think anything will come of it, arguing and bad feeling at home will impact on the kids so try and clear this up once and for all with him and take it from there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): You are parents to two children but you and your husband seem to have little understanding between you. If his behaviour is not acceptable then you should draw the line, suggest counselling, talk, have some time appart etc. If either of you is dallying with members of the opposite sex you will probably be in more trouble soon. It is amazing that he was able to ignore you like that, where is the respect? It seems like the people involved in this scenario are treating each other like property and i see little caring going on. It is not very impressive, I can not see what there is in it for you and I wonder about your self esteem, it looks rather low. Get some help yourself to get it boosted, then maybe you won't accept behaviour that is below your value.
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