A
male
age
36-40,
*iket389
writes:i have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now, Trust is something that is always earned, and unfortunately she has lied to me a few times, so i really have a difficult time sometimes when situations don't feel right or i get the feeling shes being dishonest. lately ive had the feeling shes been talking to her ex, and he recently split up with his girlfriend. i found out recently that she Has been talking to him in some sort, tho deleteing messages or using snapchat and hasn't mentioned anything to me. i know that he has been trying to get her to see him and hang out. but again she hasn't said any of this to me. and i feel its not right. things haven't been the best recently ive done things wrong and so has she, but ive never lied and i really feel betrayed. i don't think its right shes been in contact with him, and even worse when hes tried to see her, she hasn't to my knowledge, but why hasn't she told me. I love this woman, we live together, i want to give her the benefit of the doubt and not fight about lies, and things i don't know 100 percent about, but its eating away at me and i dont know what to do. i feel in my heart i already know the answer but i have nobody to talk to, not really any family. im afraid if i bring this up it will be the end of things and without being 100 percent sure whats going on, im afraid to. im just looking for a persons point of view or some advice, please help
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male
reader, Miket389 +, writes (29 July 2017):
Miket389 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much! This makes a lot of sense and is what I'm trying to do, I have to keep giving her the Benifit of the doubt. And i definitely don't want it to turn into a fight. His intentions can be anything they want. It's what she ultimately does that affects me. Thanks again
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 You are together with 3 years, At some time you found out she went somewhere that she felt she could not tell you because she did not know in what way you would react, I am not passing any judgment on you or her in this, as for 1 don't know where she was and for what reason she wanted to go to this place, but you never got over the fact she lied to you then, Three years down the road now and her ex is contacting her, she to your knowledge is not contacting him but she might be giving him friendly advice and feel again that you might think that there is more to it then there is, She is been silly in this because trying to hide is making you think the worst, and out of this type thing often comes break down in communication and can end in a split,As you are worried and looking for a straw, to not let it go too far, I think you need to try and not mix up this with her going somewhere before and best not to give her the impression that you are snooping into her privet life and telling her who she can and can't talk to, as best way around this would be giving her every way you can to have open dialogue, Think of what your going to say and where you pick to chat and be open to believing her and not driving her back into his arms, so that is not saying" three years ago you went and I found out and then you lied, that history has to be put to bed,
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A
male
reader, Miket389 +, writes (28 July 2017):
Miket389 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know for a fact she has been talking to him, and he recently split up with his girlfriend, so im pretty sure the reason hes been messaging her, i know hes trying to get her to come around. Shes lied before about wheres shes been to me, thats why this hurts. and when ive asked before if she talks to him she says no. The reason i haven't brought it up is i know that she hasnt seen him as far as i know. so all i have to go on is that hes contacting her. There is also a female friend of hers on the outside of this that i believe is trying to influence her. who is also a mutual friend of her ex. the whole situation just smells bad to me. I just feel like its wrong to be talking to him at all. especially if hes trying to insert himself into the situation.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Talk to her.
There's nothing that we can go off of that will allow us to show you to which extent she is keeping secrets... we just don't know.
It's about time that you try to communicate to her how you're feeling.
If it isn't your insecurities just nagging at you and you feel that something really is up, then, ask her about it, tell her your concerns, just, communicate.
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A
male
reader, judgedick +, writes (28 July 2017):
Confusing? You say " Trust is something that is always earned, and unfortunately she has lied to me a few times" Were these big lies or little lies or was it about things you have on right to be asking in the first place, As an outsider I would say, Build trust, communicate your feelings and desires and ask her about hers, When all this is in place you will know if her communication with the ex' is above board or not, There is a breakdown in communication, You need to ask yourself and then ask her why, Unless your a mind reader you have no idea what way she feels about this contact from her ex', It looks as if is he that is doing the pushing, but he did have his new GF with him so he might not be after what you think and your letting your mind fill in the blanks instead of her,
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