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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend is always hiding things and lying to me. We have a great relationship and I love her very much but how do I get it across to her she needs to be honest with me? She always tells me that there's nothing wrong or nothing on her mind and I know she is lying to me. She has been hurt so many times, this is a way for her to protect herself. Do I continue? Reply to this Question
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 July 2005):
 Perhaps there actually isn't anything on her mind and nothing wrong! Just because she has been hurt before doesn't necessarily mean that she is hiding something from you. Don't assume the worst!
However, I think it would be wise to offer her lots of reassurance and love (which is what you are probably already doing) so that she knows she can trust and open up to you.
If she doesn't lie about other things, then just relax. She will let you know if there is something on her mind, don't pressurise her to tell all. She will in her own time.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (12 July 2005):
Depends what the lies are about, if they are lies that are harmful to your relationship then they must stop now.Make yourself available and be willing to talk to your girlfriend about her problems, ask her outright about any problems and make it clear youll always be there for her.Sounds like she needs a lot of reassurance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2005): Yes, it could be a defense mechanism she's acquired within to protect herself from further pain and hurt. Is this all she lies about? If she is honest and open in all other aspects of her life, then you know this "openess about her emotions and feelings" is very difficult for her to express. Cut her some slack..and help her to let down the walls and allow herself to trust. Reassure her that you will never do anything to hurt her. She needs to hear that.
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