A
female
age
30-35,
*ules22
writes:Please help me. I am in year 10 at school and he is in year 11. We have never been the closest of friends but since yesterday we have become very close and he told me that he thinks he has an eating problem. I am fairly sure it is bulimia nervosa. He has told me that it started some months ago because he was in love with this girl and this girl crushed him. He has only told me and three other girls only one of whom I know. He says that he will sometimes eat breakfast but only a tiny bit (1 piece of toast and glass of milk at most) then an apple at school and then when he gets home his mum will give him a big meal and he will make himself sick by either finger down the throat or drinking a litre of salted water. I am really trying to be as supportive as I can but I know that bulimia is more about control than anything. He has also said that he is not very confident in himself at all although he comes across as very confident. If you only just met him you would have thought he was very confident. He has also said that he sometimes stays awake to lift weights and exercise. Another problem is that he text me saying to be carful as he might fall for me if I say too much nice stuff. I really like him and want to help him but that would be a disaster. It would make matters a lot worse if he did. What shall I do. Please help asap.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Hi I bumped onto this column while researching Bulimia since I've come to notice that I'm starting to suffer from it myself recently and I'm a guy. But I've studied psychology so I'm good at analyzing the situation and building steps towards overcoming this. I'm hoping that sharing my current situation would help you support your friend in the right direction, as well as myself. To put it simply it is deep rooted in self-esteem and thats quit a big problem its not something solid that can be mended, recovery can be be a long process depending how long your friend has been doing this and what the underlying issue is. It can also be a delicate matter since berating him will only enforce his negative self-belief of unworth, but then becoming too close and motherly will make him DEPENDANT on you for happiness......Both of which is unwanted.
Your friend has to build a self-encouraging and self-supporting attitude since he lacks esteem it's the best way for him to live and live without needing to purge, telling him to cease purging by sheer will is not going to work and its not targeting the real problem either, if he does, his problems are only going to manifest into some other unhealthy habit. Let me highlight success comes from him and he has to realize that, support his ability and his effort to change and to grow. NOT his personality or his worth, thats just falling into his trap of needing to prove worthiness which cannot be given by anyone other than himself.
Also food sufferers tend to be very knowledgeable about diets and food health because they physically want to change via exercise or dieting but lack the will or give up early due to lack of speedy results from healthy weight loss and opt for the short term self-harming methods. They purge because they worry about having eaten too much unhealthy food making them too fat or unhealthy, so encouraging them to eat HEALTHILY is a good place to begin, the logic is they won't need to purge because the food they are eating are beneficial to their bodies rather than harmful. Cook with your friend or join your friend eating healthy meals, overtime he may adopt this as a good habit.
So to summarize in points:
+ Support your friend in his ability to positively grow and to change by his own efforts and will...( people with low esteem tend to believe they have no choice or options in their life)
+ Cook and eat together healthy meals, salads, fruits etc. With this he won't need to worry having eaten rubbish and then purge later.
+ Do some subtle soul searching activities (online questionnaires are great they're fun and allow for self reflection), and subtly challenge his negative self-views or avert his mindset to self-empowering ones.
I think these are good enough on your part without becoming his therapist. I hope the best for you and your friend. BUT if he continues and his situation does get worse SUPPORT YOUR FRIEND TO SEEK HELP FROM A DOCTOR. GO WITH HIM TO BOOK A MEETING WITH A COUNSELOR !!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): i am fourteen years old and i have a friend who is making herself sick i am the only one who knows and everyone else thinks that she has stopped, she thinks its no big deal and even laughs sometimes. I know this isnt an answer... but i just don't know what to do i feel some responsibility to help her, but i dont know how to because if i told everyone she would hate me please anyone else got any suggestions???
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A
female
reader, helpjayne +, writes (11 November 2008):
 I had this guy friend who also suffered from bulimia and he wanted to have a relationship with me. so before having a relationship with him i told him that i wanted to get his problem sorted out first. perhaps you could do what i did and set a target as to how many days he can go without making him self sick really encourage him such as put a countdown on ur msn name but don't let anybody in on ur secret. this worked with my friend i also suggested that he sent me a text everytime he wanted to be sick so i could encourage him that way or a phone call. give him lots of compliments and let him no that you are always there for him. maybe you could do more things with him aswell like see a film.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): You seem to be dealing well with the situation. He sounds like a very needy person. Get him to a doctor, and continue to be supportive, however tell him exactly how you feel before it's too late. Make sure he talks to his other friends as well as you. He might have said what he said because he wanted it to have the opposite effect - he might have thought you'd be more likely to stay. Then again he might not have. And if he did say if to keep you, you and I both know that it wouldn't work. You never know, you might change your mind about him, but for now you need to explain that you only like him as a friend and you don't see that changing.
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