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male
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*ohn99
writes: A close (intimate) female friend-53- has a relationship with a younger gay male- 40- which upsets me. She is in the US, he in Europe.They met on a trip a year ago at a resort and seem to have developed a relationship where they communicate almost every day. She apparently tells him about what is going on in her life, including love life, and he tells her of his male friends etc. he appears to be an unstable person with a multitude of life problems, including an inability to find a relationship.Now they are planning to spend a week sharing a room on vacation in Europe. I find the whole relationship upsetting-it seems on the sick side to me. A couple who were with her when she met him have cautioned her that she does not really know the man since he only partied with their group at the resort.Her judgement and motivation seem very suspect here.The whole relationship stikes me as some sort of sick dependency between 2 people who have some mental problems. She says get over it -he is gay for God's sake. A gay man that I know says she is F__ Hag and the man is just using her to show that he has female follower who will even share a room with him. What is his motivation- is it that he can't find a friend and has just latched on to a willing older woman? The result of all this is that I believe that I must break away entirely since I can't accept what is going on. I suppose that it really means that our relationship was not very solid anyway but it is sad to lose it because of something like this. Perhaps I should be more understanding but this is a real gut issue for me. Advice welcomed
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, John99 +, writes (23 January 2006):
John99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL eyes wide open- I thought for a moment that you were advising me to turn gay so she would like me better LMAO
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 January 2006):
 Uh John99? That was supposed to be: Good Luck with the LADIES. My Bad.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 January 2006):
You are very welcome John99. I think her loss will dawn on her in a very short time. Stay the class act that you are and good luck with the laddies!
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A
male
reader, John99 +, writes (20 January 2006):
John99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, eyes wide open- your opinion is appreciated and also your advice. This was a unique relationship and losing it makes me Very Sad today. I am doing my best to avoid: (a) being small and emailing her pointing she seems to have sacrificed something good for something kind of sick- message which she would get when she got back summing up all that has happened and expressing my disappointment that she acted this way.
So far I am resisting the temptation as I know the only sensible thing is to make a total break. Thanks
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (19 January 2006):
 First of all she is an adult and has the right to choose who she wants to be friends with. Your theory that they are depandent on one another could very well be a valid theory. Because they are not in relationships right now they are turning to each other for support, if this is the basis of their relationship, it stands to reason that if one of them was to become involved with someone the friendship would probably dissolve. It does not sound to me like he is using her in any way because you did not mention him asking her to send him money or expensive gifts, you also said that they are going to SHARE the vacation, I assume this means he will be paying his half. If I were you I would try to be a better friend, it sounds like you are jealous of the relationship that she has formed with him. There is nothing wrong with anyone being friends with a gay male, so why make such a big deal of it?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 January 2006):
I can see why this would be important enough for you to end your relationship with her. If you have explained all this to her and she still feels she wants to go on vacation with her little friend then you have no other choice. Get out there and find someone else who will respect your feelings and bring you joy. There are tons of ladies just waiting to meet a nice guy like you.
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