A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my friend is chatting up the man she knows i want to be with. I have been talking to a man off a dating site had many dates and seeing how things go. My friend was on the same site but left because she thought she found someone but it didnt work out. The man im dating did message my friend but said no to him because she knew i want something with this man. On social media they are both online the same time all the time and in my head i think they are arranging dates. The reason i say this is because she has done this before she ended up dating the man i was 'seeing' and another man she ended up having a relationship with even tho he and her knew my position. It caused a big fall out as things were done behind my back and made situations awkward when we were altogether. Im not sure what to do. She has been my friend for years and is known to go for men any of her friends have or want Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 April 2019):
 First of all, if she has done this before to you, WHY are you sharing details that gives her ACCESS to the guy you are dating? That is stupid. Friend or not.
You know what she is like, so don't presume she won't do it again because that is NOT what a good friend does. Because obviously she doesn't give a flying F about "girl codes".
Secondly, IF "your" guy is REALLY interested in you, he won't pursue her. NO matter what.
So either he is the kind of guy who isn't REALLY looking for something exclusive and solid or HE is.
Keep sex out of the picture until you both are on the same page, STOP feeding her info about him (or your dates) and take it slow.
Just because YOU want to DATE this guy doesn't mean he wants to be serious or... serious with you. SO try not to put the cart before the horse BEFORE you really know what kind of guy he is.
You CAN NOT call dips on a person and she can't "steal" a person away from you.
You two aren't teenagers so stop acting like them.
If you are smart... you can USE her to weed out the losers... Just saying.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2019): You don't have first dibs on him, there's no such thing. You can message him, she can message him. He will choose to be with who he prefers. That's how life is. Would you prefer that he liked her more but couldn't go out with her because you saw him first? Would you prefer he chose now so that you can move on? Then make the choice for him. If he feels like creating a dynamic between two friends where they are competing for his affections, he really can't be a nice guy. In an ideal world he would contact one, and then the other. But you really can't prevent him from eventually choosing your friend over you, nor can you be cross with her if she is chosen. Feeling like your friends can't go out with a guy you like is preteen nonsense.
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