A
female
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anonymous
writes:(Mod Note: OP is in early 30's)I was with my ex for 3 years. At the beginning of the year I noticed a change in him. He became distant and moody and would snap at me for no reason. After a row one day he broke things off saying he didn't love me anymore. I was devastated and didn't understand as we had been so happy and he had asked me to marry him before IT all went wrong. When I asked him why he just I don't deserve you and I can't protect you. I did not understand what he meant. Two weeks later I find out that he had been involved in a big drugs deal that had gone wrong. I had no idea about any of it. But basically it turns out that he owed thousands of pounds and was in serious trouble. I was so shocked and when I rang him he denied all knowledge. I said I was hurt but would help him with any trouble he was in but he said he didn't know what I was talking about and he still maintained that he didn't love me anymore. By this point he had started seeing someone else who I suspected was a rebound as she was married and divorced with loads of kids and not his type at all.Over the next few weeks I began to hear stories from people about what he had done when we were together and I feel as though I never knew him at all. He had got in with the wrong people and he was in trouble. But I couldnt be angry with him instead I felt sorry for him and very worried. I have not seen him since we split 4 months ago but my friends have and they say he looks poorly and thin and may even be on drugs himself now.I tried to contact him again to help but this time he got angry and told me to leave him alone. His rebound/gf also got involved and told me to leave him alone. So I have stepped back and let him get on with it but in the meantime I am hearing from a lot of people about how much trouble he is in and he has switched his phone off and is hiding at her house. I don't know if she knows about it or not. I don't know why she would want to put her kids through that if she did.What do I do? I still love him and I know I shouldn't but i can't help it. It's killing me because I am watching someone who I deeply care about fall further down this slippery slope and shut himself off from everyone. I know I should leave him alone but I'm so worried about him. I can't contact him anyway I have blocked him on FB and got a new number. I feel guilty for doing this but I don't I know what to do.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 July 2015):
 Leave him alone. If he wants your help he'll ask and if he did I would still recommend you leave him alone.
That's a nasty business to get into trouble with so you stay as far from it as you can. You might put anyone known to be connected to you in danger.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 July 2015):
 Stay FAR FAR away. I wouldn't be surprised that he ended it with you to "keep" you safe from his "real" life (that "real" life that involves drugs and unpleasant people).
This guy, no matter his faults.... DID the right thing is letting you go.
You can't fix this for him. He has to hit HIS rock bottom and SEEK help for himself.
YOU on the other hand, need to realize what a bullet, nay, cannonball you dodged.
...............................
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (24 July 2015):
Leave him be. He doesn't want your help, and there is nothing you can do for him.
Speaking from experience, you want nothing to do with this train wreck.
...............................
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