A
female
age
36-40,
*am_l_miller
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. We're both 23 and we live together. He doesn't want to spend much time with me anymore. He works during the day and when he gets home he just goes to bed. When he's not at work or in bed, he goes to the pub or out with his friends. I can't go out very often as I have a 4 year old and a rare supply of babysitters. Even if I get a sitter, he never invites me to go with him and if I ask, he says I'm invading his "boy time".I've tried suggesting we go out for nice meals or out as a family, but his football matches or other plans always come first.I feel so bored and lonely and under-appreciated. Can anyone give me some suggestions or help me at all?
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female
reader, sam_l_miller +, writes (8 September 2007):
sam_l_miller is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the help everyone. In a way I suppose it helps to know its not just me in this situation.
In response to the first answer, I think I'm already at that stage, paranoid and upset, feeling like he's ashamed of me and bugging him to death trying to find out why. He does kinda feel like a room mate instead of a boyfriend. It's hard to just ignore it and hope he comes running back. Another point I forgot to mention is that my son isn't his child, so he takes up the "family option" when it suits him but avoids all responsibility when he wants to go out. He has a sneaky trick of inviting me out as long as I can find a sitter, which he knows isn't likely.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Well he certainly does sound distant. Well in terms of what you should do, I am going to tell you what I did in this situation because I too have been there and I wouldn't want you to make the same mistake. When I had a bf who became distant, I grew MORE attached. And I became very paranoid. And I just stopped living my life and being happy because I was so uptight about this rejection. And I pestered him and tried to talk to him and cried.
Don't do that. Instead, you should just let go a bit. I know that what he is doing is unfair. I mean jeez, a bf should want to take you out to eat and treat you like a princess. But since he is not doing that, then you should just be on your own for a bit. Do exercise. Hang out with friends. Maybe even just forget about him for a while and focus on you.
To be honest, when a guy starts acting that way, it usually indicates the end of a relationship. And the only thing that we are able to keep intact and unchanging is our pride and dignity. If you are not happy with the way he is treating you, then you should break up with him. It sounds like that may be what he wants anyway and as for you, you certainly don't want to be with a guy who prioritizes football and going to pubs without you. So maybe it's time to move on. Just a suggestion.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Hi there.
I'm sorry to hear things are not going well for you at the moment.
I've seen this situation your in before. The relationship ended up broken in the end because he could not see that he was going wrong and it ended up braking him.
So what I would suggest is calmly explaining to him that if continues down the path he is on then he might end up losing you.
"You don't know what you have until you loose it", I hope the above helps even if it's just a little bit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): My boyfriend is the same so please answer this question! thanks
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A
female
reader, butterfly_911  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 hi i think u must tell him all of that i mean all what u feel and be honest and tell him that u r feeling lonely for the first time in ur life because of him and that u r afraid cause u love him and see what he would say tell hm that u feel under-appreciated and u want to have him back as he was before...
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (7 September 2007):
He's become your roommate. You need to start looking for a boyfriend.
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