A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts i need helpLike two years ago im this slim tall guy with big head,or a head that is actually noticeably big,i started building muscles to gain some mass, because eating didny really,so now agained this whole lot of musclesAnd my whole body match,big head big bodyBut still it doesnt remove that feelings of feeling abnormalSo friends always bring it up during joke,like see how big you areBig body and big head so so so lolI used to fall into this depression state,even though they wont know and i try my best to hide it,being angey at them doesnt change anything or the fact the head is theirOkay now i need help on how to deal with the depression and make myself feel or look better, and please do ladies like such guy with such bodyO.p im handsome guy too,not because i think but because i have been toldI am on my way to the gym to see if i did make myself biggerPlease help thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2014): I want to remind you of something that you may have overlooked regarding your friends, and the way you see yourself.
You have to remember they have watched your transformation. From who you used to be; to who you are now. They are used to teasing you; and it is part of the way they've grown to relate to you. They liked the old you too. They may always tease you; because they don't want your "big head" (as you call it) to get any larger from a bigger ego!
Take it all in stride; or don't call them friends. Get new friends, if they are hurting you from the inside. You still have to toughen up on the inside to deal with it. Your body is just a shell. Women fall in-love with who you are, not how you look.
Your spirit is on the inside. That is where the soul lives. Fix that to match what you're doing to the outside.
I hope you put as much emphasis on shaping your character as a man.
When we change, our family and friends are more used to how we used to look or behave. To your parents, you will always be their boy. Yet you are a man. Your friends are a little jealous; because you committed yourself to something that isn't really that easy to do. You made up your mind to change something about yourself, and stuck to it. You turned their teasing into something positive. It motivated you to improve on something you could.
Now it's time to work on the inside. Your mind.
Their jokes and teasing could have more than one purpose. They want to discourage you, in order to keep you in that timid mental-place you used to be; because they were more comfortable with it. They felt superior to some degree, when they could bully you psychologically. Now you could probably physically pulverize them; so they're wearing at your confidence. I'm not advocating violence of any sort.
Learn to tease your friends back. Develop a sense of humor.
Grow a thicker skin; while you're so busy changing your appearance.
Now you've shown them up. You appear more powerful, and maybe a little intimidating. Maybe more handsome. You have proven to them that you can change, and stay committed to it. They admire you, and envy you at the same time.
Now you need to stop with the self-hatred. May I suggest that you read about "body dsymorphic disorder."
Your mind may continue to make your body look disproportionate; even if it isn't quite as bad as you visualize it to be. In fact, you may never reach your goal; because your mind will continue to lie to you.
Body-builders sometimes destroy their bodies by brutalizing themselves trying to reach body-mass that their genetic structure may never allow. They push themselves beyond natural limits. That's not enough. So they turn to steroids and artificial means; because they are never satisfied with what nature has dealt them. So be very very careful.
You changed your body, but you haven't changed your mind to catch up with it.
You are still quite sensitive from the teasing you've received; and you have been needing approval from others for a very long time. No one's approval of you, will ever be as important as your own self-acceptance.
You now have to learn that your appearance isn't all you're worth. Your personality is a very valuable part of you too. You must be thankful and proud of how nature has created you, and that you are healthy enough to enhance what you have. You are young and healthy.
You have created something in your mind of what you feel you "should be." This is based on comparisons to other people, or their opinions. No one can see you here; but my guess is that your mind has not moved forward from where it used to be. You've concentrated too much on your appearance. Your mind has to change with your body. They are supposed to be in sync.
There is more to you than what the eye can see. Changing your looks will not guarantee you happiness. You have to purge yourself of the scorn people have inflicted upon you in cruelty. You must realize that teasing comes from cruelty. It is attacking people for their weaknesses.
Now you must build your inner-strength to help you cope with your trauma. I often recommend professional counseling; when emotional-trauma is more than what you can handle on your own. Keep that suggestion in-mind. However; your on self-determination might be all you need.
You have to accept who YOU are, and how you look. Of course you can add bulk and mass to your body; if you think it will make it more in proportion to your head. If it will build your confidence and self-esteem. Then there's a limit.
Stop using other people as a mirror to define you. You will lose yourself. Become a slave to the opinion of others.
That is being cruel to yourself.
The trauma from the teasing has distorted your own perception of yourself; until you've started seeing yourself even worse than it may be in reality. Even if it is true; you still have to live with the way you were born.
Please don't over-burden yourself by becoming obsessed with being accepted by other people.
When will your self-esteem, attitude, and love for yourself overrule your self-hatred? It's not always about how badly other people have treated you, it's how you see and treat yourself.
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (11 May 2014):
Dear OP,
I don't have a picture of you and I am not "women" in general, so I can't answer the question if women like a guy with a body like you.
But I also think that this is not important to know.
What IS important, though.. you were told you are handsome, so you got a first-hand feedback from a lady who saw you already. This means the problem is not how others see you. Also you told us, your body now matches your head when you look at yourself, so you already realize that you are exaggerating the problem.
My advice is not to focus on changing your body, but changing your attitude about it. If you keep hating yourself for nothing, you will miss out on a lot of happiness in life. You might need professional help to deal with the depression and your body image. But you can also do some things on your own. One interesting experiment is that for some days, you act as if your body was already perfect in your eyes and as if you felt really, really comfortable with it. Just be careless and tell yourself "I am perfect the way I am!". What would be different? What activities would you do more? Or less?
Another experiment might be to observe when your negative feelings and thoughts are the worst. Do you get most self-conscious when you are around friends, or alone? At a party or in front of a mirror? Is your self-consciousness there all of the time or just some of the time? The better you know your problem, the easier it is to see the cause and change it.
Good luck!
PS: Your friends might tease you because they want to show you how exaggerated your worries are. Or they might be jealous because you gained so much muscle.
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