A
female
age
41-50,
*palgirl
writes:Help! I've been dating a guy for a year now, and the entire time, our sex life has been awful. He rarely touches me, doesn't initiate sex but once in a great while, and after multiple, repeated attempts to spice things up, it has fizzled. I have toys and lingerie we've never even used! Things are very one-sided, and he rarely does anything for my pleasure. Lately, he finds things to pick fights over anytime we go out, and has every excuse in the book as to why we aren't intimate. Shortly after we started dating, he shared with me that he had a gay experience a couple of years ago, and I know he still texts this guy on occasion (although he lives out of state). He also had a few other gay flirty friends from years past who he still maintains contact with as well. On a random search, I found his personal ad on a gay website a few months ago. He said it was old and from pre-us days but... He looks at gay and TS porn quite often. And although he doesn't flirt or obviously check guys out when we're together, I'm reasonably certain he's not being honest with himself on his own identity. He's dated a lot of girls in the past years, but all of the relationships, including one marriage, have failed. I've even asked if he thinks of himself as gay or bi but he just shirks the label and switches the subject. Problem for us is that I have a child from a previous relationship and I think he's in love with the 'family unit' that we make, not with me. He's great with the child, trust me, I'm quite picky and protective, so he's not willing to let us go. Now that we're on the outs, he's begging for us to see counseling, but all I can focus on is this! Am I crazy to expect things to change?? Is he gay and not being honest with himself?
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 He is certainly confused and I would maybe suggest he has counselling alone first to try and find out what is going on his head. It does sound as though he just doesnt know what he is but as you say wants the family unit he has got with you so wont admit it to you. Maybe you need to make the decision here x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): He's up for counseling so he obviously wants to try and sort things out.
Try it out.
You can express all you concerns and worrys there and he can express how he feels.
It could help save your relationship.
But is that what you want?
You will never know if it will change unless you try.
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