A
female
age
36-40,
*ake0311
writes:I think my best mate has eating disorder. She doesn't ever eat property meals just tiny snacks of fruit and yoghurt and maybe pasta sauce (no pasta) all day. She wears clothes 2 sizes to big for her all time and she's a 6/8. She cooks only desserts but never eats them herself and I have never seen her eat a proper meal. She boasts about eating a decent meal but I never actually seen her consume one. She gets really upset when I question her eating methods and once I accidentally confronted her about it and she got really upset , I think this was the wrong way to ask her about it but she really needed to acknowledge she had an issue and get help.what can I do to help get and talk to her about it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 Is she at the point of being seriously ill? Have you asked her how much she weighs? How tall is she? Calculate the BMI. If she's at a critical point I suggest you involve a doctor. You can call helplines as well and ask for the right procedures. However, as she is legally adult, and unless she's at a point of risking her life, she's allowed to starve herself. Just like eating to the point of becoming obese is allowed, starving yourself to the point of it being deadly is also allowed. There's nothing you can do as such. But you can raise awareness, so that others, like her doctor, or her parents, keeps an eye on her.
If you are a good and true friend you will talk to her about it before you involve someone else. You might risk the friendship. But in the long run it is better to have a friend who was a good enough friend to even risk the friendship because they cared so much about you, than to have fake friends who don't care if you live or die.
If, when you talk to her, it appears she has an eating disorder, support her in seeking professional help. There's nothing you can do to help her really, she needs professional help from both her doctor and a therapist.
As a warning to you... people with eating disorders are veeeeery keen to keep it a secret. It is such a taboo to have an eating disorder, they feel more comfortable taking the secret with them to the grave than having it exposed. You will certainly meet resistance. She might pretend to not hear you. She might ignore you, get angry with you, walk away, cut all contact with you etc.
But if she has an eating disorder, and doesn't get help for it, she will probably die. People who suffer from eating disorders often suffer from severe mental health problems as well, such as depression or personality disorders, or there could be neurological problems as well. They are serious cases. They are also, sadly, prone to commit suicide.
My friend when I was 14 (she was 15) was an anorectic who were on medication. I noticed the same things as you have with your friend, she never ate a meal, but was picking at her food instead. She hated her body. She "hid away" in her clothes. I tried to speak to her about it, but she blocked out my words. It's very very hard. In the end the only one who can help them are themselves.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): When I was fourteen I had my first boyfriend, it lasted for oh wow, two weeks. He broke up with me, I was in that puppy love stance, and I felt like my world was falling apart and would never be better (stupid i know! but i was young). I'm a small build, extremely skinny and only 5"2, I had already started to reduce me diet, I just never 'felt' like eating, but after that break up, I stopped eating. For a week I did not consume a single thing. After that, my self esteem dropped really bad, and over a couple of years I developed an eating disorder, I still suffer from it at times, but now that I'm in a healthy stable relationship and graduated school, I finally managed to gain a little bit of weight. I still go through phases where my body can't handle food, these disorders stick with you for a long time so the sooner you get help the better off you are in the long run.
When I was going through all of this during high school not many of my friends cared, they thought I was just trying to seek attention. Luckily the boy that 'broke my heart' and started it off, became one of my best friends and he always supported me trying to eat. My mum felt like she was failing as a parent and did not understand why I coulnd't force myself to eat, always told me I was stupid and got frustrated.
So I'm going to say this now, PLEASE help out your friend, do not give up, I wish I had much more support than I did. When my disorder was really serious and I dropped down to 35kg, I got really depressed and started harming myself, stupid I know but eating disorders are a mental disorder so you need the most support you can get and I wish I had my female friends approach me about it.
It sounds like your friend is going through some kind of eating disorder, certainly sounds suspicious and it's very common in young woman.
I would try and approach her again, I can't think of any way to do it other than by just talking to them about it, let them know that they are not alone and that they can get help, it doesn't have to be proffessional help, although that is best if it's serious.
The only advice I can give you is make sure you are not harsh on her, or get frustrated. Because that's all my Mum did as she was worried for my health and couldn't do anything about it. But when people start to get angry at you for it, or say you're doing it for attention, you feel worse and worse, and because it's a mental disorder, it doesn't get you anywhere.
If your friend has had a very limited diet I also advice you not to try and bring out a feast in front of her face and try to make her eat it. My stomach still doesn't cooperate with the food I may even want to eat, especially when first increasing your diet, your stomach shrinks a lot, and sometimes you can only fit a mouthful or two of food before your body starts to reject it.
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A
male
reader, rfp  +, writes (13 October 2011):
that is a hard one. you may try to go for dinner or lunch with her and take note off what she eats. Also if he has to go to the bathroom go with her. After a few hours (2+) you may leave her alone and repeat the same process a few time, hopefully within a week. Just talk about the colors of the food or the game on tv.
Or be the smart friend and get a WII and the WII fit board. that way you may keep track of her weight. Hopefully it would increase a bit. Other than that is difficult to say.
Oh I almost forgot, most eating disorders affect the teeth so the color or smell would be another indication.
Good luck.
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