A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, I have been with my Fiance for over 3 years now. We are very happy together and are planning an overseas wedding for 2010. We live in different cities and see each other every other week or so, and we have done since we were together. I am 18, and he is 27. He still lives with his mum and I still live with my parents. I dont want to be living at home much longer, I have always been independant and my parents have brought me up to live inpendently and made it clear that you cant scrounge off of your parents forever. I have always said to my Fiance that I cant wait to move out, and hopefully move in with him. He has always said he doesn't want to leave home and he can't leave home because he could never afford it. Once I left college I was looking for full time jobs and it was suggested between us that I try and find a job in the city he lives in. I had no luck, and seemed to find better, very well paid jobs in my city. I did find a job that I wanted to go for in his city and I asked if he could talk to his mum about me moving in and he said she wasnt too sure about it- she was thinking she would have to tidy up after another person in her house (he has a brother. and I said she wouldnt have to worry about a thing because i'd do all my own washing and everything).Anyway, that idea never happened. I have a job near my home and we still continue to see each other for 1-6 days at a time, every month. We have always found it hard to do things this way, we always hate leaving each other at the train station. I always say how I just want to move in with him, and I have suggested he move to my city, get a good paid job and live for cheap in my house withmy parents (of which they are okay about). He has said he never would live in my city because its too expensive. Can i win? To cut an already long story short, he is being made redundant at the end of this month and is looking for jobs. He looked for some in london and then decided not to go for them, and instead chose to go for a job in his nearby town, and said if he got the job, he would live with his mate.Is it me or am I being crazy? Can anyone understand what I am thinking- he is quick to move in with his mate, but after 3 years of us, he still isnt trying to get us any closer to moving in together? He said he wants to live with me and spend the rest of his life with me, but surely we should be doing that now, before we get married? I know its expensive, but I have suggested renting, and with both of our wages, we could be okay. The closest thing he has come to moving in with me is him deciding he wants us to move to Florida and buy a house out there and live out there - soon. I keep saying to him that I want to be living with him before I get married to him, and he said he wants that too. I think it's wierd that he still lives at home anyway at the age of 27 - but his mum is too sweet and too much of a pushover for him and his brother. She lives alone and likes their company, hence them still living there. Has anyone else been in this situation, or could give me some advice? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): I wouldn't call it weird, I would call it Lazy. A lot of guys will let mom take care of them until they just HAVE to go. I would be more worried about his moving in with the friend over you. That is a problem in my view. You need to think strongly about the possability he isn't as serious as you about the future. I think he isn't thinking to much about it because 2010 is pretty far away. Don't let him lead you on and waste the next year and half just to have him say sorry but i'm not ready. You need to have a serious talk about all this with him. Ask him point blank why he is choosing a friend over you. I'm not saying leave him, but keep your eyes wide open.
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