A
male
age
41-50,
*monty78
writes:Please take a minute and help me try to find an answer to this insanity I feel I am living in. I have been dating a gal for a little over 6 months. She is 28, I will be 32 next month. We had been online friends for nearly 5 years before we started spending time together and ended up in a relationship. I wasn't really looking for a relationship, just someone to spend my time with, and then after a few cocktails one night she pop the ''what are we? are we together?'' question and I politely dodged it and said I enjoy my time with her and lets just see where it goes. The next day I have a ''relationship request'' on Facebook from her. This girl is a complete sweetheart. My friends like her, my employees like her, my family, and my 2 little girls....everyone. Heck, I like her. In fact I love the girl....for the person she is. But I am not IN LOVE with her, and I don't know if I ever will be. She is very attractive, and my friends say I am nuts to cut her loose, but I feel she is too needy, and too mushy, two things I am not. I own a very successful insurance brokerage, and don't have time to ''miss'' someone like she expects me to. I am too busy to! And I am a very independent person, and she is very opposite of that. In the eyes of most guys she is marriage material. I just am hung up on a few things. I have two little girls that as selfish as I sound, I don't like to share my time with them when I have them because I am a single dad and don't get to see them every day. My girls (and no I don't think they are perfect) are very intelligent, well behaved children, and the gal I am dating has two boys that are out of control, behavior I don't like exposing my girls to, and the boys annoy the hell out of me. She also works for a day care and doesn't ever mention wanting to do anything else in life and that concerns me because I am very ambitious and motivated. She truly is a wonderful person, and probably the perfect catch for most guys. Yet, no matter how hard I try to feel closer to her, I just dont have it in me. She is extremely sexual which is a plus, yet she is VERY small chested, and as shallow as I sound, all I think about and constantly seek out anymore are big chested girls, because her small chest is such a turn off to me (something I would never tell her). She (on her own) brought up having implants a few times because her small chest bothers her too. Yet if I hint around about buying them when she mentions them, she does a complete 180 and mentions how its good that I am fine with her small chest, and i TOTALLY AM NOT! I guess what I am getting at, is, I don't know what to do. My friends and family all lover her to death and will be disappointed in me if I break things off with her, especially my girls, who adore her, and I don't want to put them through that. And I also care so much about her and don't want to break her heart. She would be devastated. And I am afraid if I break things off, I am going to regret it and wish I was still with her. Yet, I feel like I am wasting her time and mine because I don't know if I will ever fall in love with her, and I never wanted a girlfriend in the first place. And I spend what little free time I do have gawking at large chested women, because I am so turned off by her small breasts. I know I sound like a jerk, which I completely am not. I just don't know what I should do. Please give me your thoughts. I am so confused right now!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MsVick +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Who cares what anyone else thinks of this woman it is YOUR opinion that matters. If you don't love her you don't love her. It is kinder to tell her now and get it over with then to prolong it and give her hope that you do indeed love her and want a life with her.So do it gently but be firmGood luck
A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 It seems to me the only reason you haven't called things off with this woman already is because of your fear of what other people will think. You can't live your life like that, it's your decision what you do, you're the only one in a relationship with her, not your family or friends. Yes, your girls will be upset but they will get through it with your love and support and it's better than staying with someone you don't love. As they get older they will pick up on that, children notice a lot more than we realise and do you really want to teach them that we should just 'settle' in a relationship?
If you really care for this woman as you say you do then you should do the decent thing and let her go so she can find someone to love her in the way she deserves. I'm not one of the aunts on here that dishes out the whole 'you should leave them' line for every troubled relationship question as I believe you should always work at things where possible but the two of you are incompatible in every sense. She shouldn't have to resort to surgery in order for you to find her sexually attractive and the fact that you can't get along with her sons says it all really, they aren't going anywhere, they're a part of her life forever as your girls are to you so if you chose to be with her then you will be choosing her boys too, it's the whole package.
I think you already know deep down what you should do, you just need to pluck up the courage now but at least you can take comfort from the fact that even though she will enivitbly be hurt, you are doing the right thing for her in the long term.
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