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anonymous
writes: Hello, I have no life living with my mom. I am given a time to come in 11:30pm.I'm 18 and many people at the age of 18 are in and out when they want. I have no life, seriously. I babysit constantly. My boyfriend has asked me to move in with him, which in a sense would be a good thing because I might actually have a life that doesn't include 3 hours of freedom a night.Now the problem is my mom will never allow me back in the house. She'll never speak to me. I actually think I should go along with it and move in my boyfriend's place. Please help. I have gave no reason to not trust me! She just wants me to be a child but I'm growing up. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): I know what you're going through. My mom was the very same way. But, no matter what you're thinking of doing, your mom will still love you and she will still talk to you no matter what she says. That almost the same exact thing that happened with me. Now I'm trying to get things together to move from Georgia to Pennsylvania and my mother is giving me the same crap as she did when I was living with her. Still trying to control my life although I haven't lived with her in eight years. But if you feel that it will be better for you to have a life, just remember that with that life come all sorts of responsibility. Like bills, groceries, etc. And please discuss it with your mom first. Even if she blows up about it, keep calm and don't argue. Sometimes its necessary to be the adult in the situation. I hope this helped.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2006): You move into your boyfriend's house and it may appear that you have three hours of your own time. But, it be that your 3 hours will actually double towards your boyfriend's benefit, to 6 hours of time. It appears it is your own time, but in actuality you just relieved your boyfriend of certain duties such as cleaning his room, washing his clothes, etc. You are actually -3 hours of time for yourself. It does not add up.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (9 October 2005):
 Just remember one thing... The grass isnt always greener...
Yes you have issues at home with your mum, but moving in with your boyfriend may not be the right thing to do.. do you really want to end up falling out with you mum and then finding out that this man isnt right for you ? you could end up losing both here... think about this very carefully...you need to speak to your mum and find out why she is behaving like this ? deep routed problems maybe ? or maybe just fear of losing you and she behaves like this to try and keep... maybe a form of protection... never move out on a bad note,., you will regret it... you need to tell you mum how you feel... let her know the reasons you want to move out and how you can both help each other to meet some middle ground... in time she may even come round to the idea, she probably relies on you too much, and you need to kind of get her to see where you are coming from on this and in time she will hopefully relax a little... she probably doesnt want you to grow up.. if she keeps you the way she does she feels she wont lose you....let her know exactly howyou feel before you decide to do anything rash... we only get one mum in this life, and they do try to do the best for us.. please dont fall out with her, at least chat and see if maybe you can see each others way of thinking... but please dont move out on a row, it could mean heartbreak for the both of you.
Take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2005): thankyou irish 49, you really make sense in what you say but theres 1 thing she says, that my feller if i ever did move in with him will soon get bored and id be homeless. i just dont think i should take the risk but on other hands i really want a god damn life. im sick of babysitting all the time thats the main problem if my little brother was older than 10 hed be able to look after him self. ive been looking after him since i was 8. what you say i will take it in thought! thanks for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2005): I agree with you..at 18 and a legal adult now-you should have more freedom..but remember, life is about rules and laws, and becoming an adult does not make you immune. Being 18 means you are responsible for the decisions you make. You are expected to make mature decisions now, because the law and the courts see you as old enough to make wise choices that reflect your age. So if you ask Mom for changes..be prepared to "walk the walk" and always behave maturely toward her, in a respectful manner. However, with that said-she also should be giving you respect, as well.
Ask your Mother to respect you and acknowledge that you are getting older and that you need some more leniency in how you conduct your life. Be sure you don't come across as demanding and disrespectful. That is a surefire way to alienate her further and she will only see you as a teenager who needs to do some growing up. Speak with her at a good time and be prepared to make an mature, sensible case. Try to come up with a compromise on curfews, that both sides see as fair. Let her know where you are so they are not worried about your safety. Be respectful of her home and her rules.
As for living on your own, you can do that without your Mom's permission, but it appears you will pay a heavy price for striving to live independently and that is what is SO sad about your situation. I am troubled by the fact that you said "the problem is my mom will never allow me back in the house. She'll never speak to me". Heck, when I was 18, my parents just about shoved me out the door! So I'm wondering WHY your Mother isn't encouraging and supporting you, to live your own life and become an totally independant, adult, person? Could it be she likes to be in control of your life and depends on you way too much to help out around the home? She does have to learn to allow you to get out there and live your life-it really sounds like Mom is NOT ready to let go and accept that you are an adult. Please sit her down and speak with her from your heart and be calm. Make your requests known and ask she respect and accept them. Let her know, that threatening NOT to speak to you if you move out is wrong and it is emotional blackmail. That is emotional abuse, plain and simple. If she continues to behave this way, you may have to ask another trusted family member or friend to speak to her on your behalf. I would hate to see you lose your family over this issue, but sometimes we have to be strong and use "tough love" and hope that after we move out, Mom will realize how special you are as her daughter and NOT continue to hold a grudge against youy. Yu may just have to take that chance, hun. I wish you the best of luck, dear. Take care and be strong.
Hugs,
Irish
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