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female
,
*ovestruck girl
writes: I really fancy this guy and he was being really nice to me and everything, like being a good friend and messing around with me and sticking up for me in front of other people. Then one day at school his friend was really nasty to me and when he found out he seemed like he wasn't bothered and he didn't give a damn. He was talking to my friend about it and it's a friend that I trust and I've known years so she wouldn't lie about it. Well apparently he said that she forced him to be my friend, when he'd even said to my face that I was a good mate (friend) and that he was only being friendly and that his mate (friend) didn't say anything, and that I was just making it up. So he was basically calling me a liar and he said a lot of other upsetting, hurtful stuff.If it was anyone else I would have hated them, but for some reason I still like him and I don't know why. Like I've liked him over a year and I don't want to. I don't know why. I mean, I shouldn't like him any more after all the things he's said and I hate liking him, but I can't help the way I feel. I mean, I've tried to convince myself that I don't like him any more or that I'm over him but it doesn't work. I can't stop thinking about him or like, I get a funny feeling whenever I see him or whenever his name is mentioned. I don't know why and it's not fair because I don't want to like him and I don't know what to do. Please help me. I don't know what I've done wrong to make him be like this and I don't know why I still like him. Am I a horrible person or something what have I done wrong? It's confusing me so much and it's making my head go everywhere. Please help.
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (5 July 2006):
 Hi,
No you arent a horrible person at all. I think infact you are a very nice person but i will encourage you to be nice and firm.
From you posting i can see that you are a person who care with all your heart which isnt suppose to be a bad thing but you shouldnt let others take advantage of this. No matter what you shouldnt tolerate an insult from anyone whether or not you like him unless that person will later take an advantage of you and feel he can ride on you. You should et others know when they cross boundaries and when you feel they have insulted you.
This event has passed though and i would like to encourage you to forget what happened and move on with your life.Take this as experience.I know this is difficult cause you care for him but i agree with others here you should be with someone who is alot nicer towards you and would stand up and support you when an incident such as this occurs.
Take care and goodluck
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): He doesn't speak to you, he seems to not like you..so I have to ask...why on earth, are you doing spending time pining for a man who has treated you this way? You sound like a very nice, sensitive, caring person but you also allow people who don't deserve your admiration, to 'step on you'. For some reason your nuturing, kind side is having a hard time rationalizing that this guy has no respect for you, is not worth a plugged nickel of your emotional energy and is a loser. While your nostaligic feelings for him is endearing, these feelings are unfortunately toxic. Why? Because you are worshiping him and this is not love, like, this is not even a crush. Worship is a feeling where some women will give their heartfelt feelings over to someone in a complete, unconditional, unrestricted manner. They do this, no matter what this man has done to them nor do women like this really consider this man's behaviours as being wrong. In fact, many women like this feel they themselves , may have did something wrong. So..why are you sacrificing your integrity and self-respect for a cad? My dear...take back your self esteem and never allow a guy to treat you this way. Try hard to understand that you have a right to never, ever compromise yourself and your self-respect for anyone. It comes downs to your own self worth and how you think of yourself. So what do you do? Let this go and get out there and have fun making new friends who show you respect, support and love. And never , ever allow someone to do this to you again. Good luck, hun and be strong
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2006): That sounds quite similar to what happened to me, I liked a guy, and found out he had said some horrible things behind my back. My first reaction was like, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't want people to know that he likes me (i know quite dellusional), his playing it mean to keep me keen or something like that. The stupid thing was , I asked him out and he said no.
A guy who likes you will usually be nice to you, and will not say nasty things behind your back. If you really want to get to the bottom of things, u can confront him about the things he had said about you, but if u know his true colours would u really want to waste your mental energy on him. Its easy for me to say get rid, but it will take time for you to get over him.
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