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male
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writes:Last January, I met a young woman online(let's call her Sue) and over the course of a few months we fell in love. We both live overseas in Europe; our countries are neighboring ones. I traveled to see her in the summer, we fell more in love but during my last trip she had panic attacks and pressure from family and friends to break off with me(cause I am a foreigner). She has also been through a rape and needed more therapy.We split in September, although I did not want this. In November, I visited her unannounced for her birthday, she met me with difficulty but we ended up kissing…to no avail though. I cut all ties with her, unfriended her on FB to respect her privacy, but come Christmas I saw her post an unusual message on a common friend's wall, which I felt was a message to me. So, a week ago I sent her message explaining my unfriending in November and ending with a romantic song...She did not reply in writing…her reply was a long song on her wall which is PUBLIC so that I can see it, with a single heart above it in the comment box... The content of the song is that I miss you and think about you every day...it is beyond a doubt intended for me because it has multiple references to the last present I gave her in November. I have only kept contact with one close friend of Sue's(let’s call her Amy) who told me Sue is better with therapy and has been seeing somebody for the last month, yet Amy was also perplexed when I told her Sue had posted this song of love for me...she saw the song and agreed it was for me. However, I told Amy not to talk about this with Sue and I trust her not to do so… Today, about a week later, I also posted a song of love for Sue on my wall in the same manner(she will know it is for her). I think I must show patience and make such efforts because Sue is the love of my life and I believe the song shows the feelings are there... Any advice on how to proceed in this situation? Thank you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): Well at some point you have to be direct with her because how do you know for sure that the things she posts are addressing you and not her new bf ir maybe even another ex? If you avoid direct communication and are left assuming a lot of things about her feelings and intentions you can go barking up the wrong tree. It has happened to me before and the shock can be very unpleasant and downright devastating.
I would say you can keep playing along for now to test the waters but do not read anything concrete into it and do not make any assumptions about her feelings until and unless you talk directly to her again.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (22 January 2013):
If you read very many LDR questions on here you'll find that things are always great until you meet. That transition from a fantasy relationship to a real one is difficult.
Friends, family, chemistry, attractive, reality, etc. all can be too much for the relationship to handle.
I don't think there is much you can do here. Sometimes things are just too complicated.
A word of advice: if you've never had a serious relationship before than I wouldn't be concerned that you've lost the love of your life because that feeling will most likely come a number of times.
Good luck!
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