A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all- I have a problem. I have realized recently that I think I may be resentful of my boyfriend and his life. I have been dating my guy for almost two years and he's a really great man. But as of lately, I've noticed that he has the life that I have always wanted. Here's my story (the foot-notes version): I am 27 years old, and I live at home and take care of my mother who is recovering from spinal surgery and is getting a second surgery this coming Monday. I've taken care of her (and my dad)since I was 10. I have a delinquint older sister whom has children so I always pick up the pieces after her. I don't go out very much and when I do my parents get upset that I am leaving at night to go out with my boyfriend because it is dangerous in the world, I quit my full time job to go back to school full time. I have no real friends and I am basically a home aid for my mom for she can not walk on her own or go anywhere on her own. Did I mention I don't have my own room? So I've had no privacy since I left her womb!My boyfriend: has his own place, has a great job at a law firm (gets paid handsomely), has plenty of friends, goes out anywhere at any time of the day, lives in a wonderfully quiet and hip neighborhood and blows his money on stupid things like toys and trips to California and Colorado--after he says he can't afford things. And he complains and bitches about people at work and how much he wants to quit and all the while i'm listening wanting to strangle him for at least having a social life.I get so mad at him for being able to live his life and I feel like I'm stuck here forever in this monotonous life of mine. God help me, I love my parents but I am suffocating in this tiny apartment so much that all I want to do now is reverse what I did in the first place: quit school and go back to work full time so I can make money to move out!!! I feel like there's no one to turn to.I really need some advice here, please. I don't know what I'm going to do. Is this normal or am I being selfish?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank you guys for taking time out to give me advice. I felt so much better after reading those replies.
And what made it even more better is that a day after writing to this site--as if he were psychic--he sent me an email explaining how horrible he feels that he keeps complaining to me about his (as he says) "insignificant" problems when I have a lot on my plate. He also said that he is wants to be there for me more and that I can count on him whenever I need him.
Thank you guys for your help=-D
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): I think you're angry because you're not showing yourself enough respect in regards to your mother and sister, etc.I think you're just taking it out on your BF and his situation. You're psychologically more "allowed" to hate him for it. You won't allow yourself to resent your family members when you need to.
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A
male
reader, LonelyButNotAlone +, writes (22 August 2008):
 You're not being selfish at all! If anything, you're quite courageous. At least in my book. It takes a strong will and a good heart to make the kind of sacrifices it sounds like you've made for your parents.
And you shouldn't feel bad for being jealous of the lifestyle your boyfriend has... nor should you feel bad for being angry over the fact that he's being inconsiderate of your situation. Be sure to let him know that it seriously bothers you because you'd give anything to be in his place.
It sounds like your parents would keep you as long as they could, but they've gotta realize that you need to live your own life. I would suggest you get in touch with a social worker. There should be something that can be worked out.
Good luck with your parents, your boyfriend, and school. I hope this helps.
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