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*azer123
writes: Hi, I'm 25 years old. I feel so deeply sad inside but I'm in love with a fella I have kids with, who has slept with his ex girlfriend and didn't tell me about it for 4 half months. That was some years ago now. He told me it didn't go all the way, that he felt he couldn't do it to me, but by then already too late. I finished it later down the line for not getting over it. He ended up trying to kill himself over it. He got help, we sorted it all out and started again.Things where great and a year down the line we tried for a baby. Everything was great. Then two babies later things have gone from bad to worse. We row, he gets mad. Nearly killed me one night by strangling me rowing. Got that sorted. He can't touch me like that now; he will get locked up. We go to Relate now but I find it difficult, "Here I am totally in love with someone I'd never dream of being with, with what he's like". I thought I'd always be with a caring man that loves me for me and no one else. If this was my friends partner I'd tell her to get rid of him, but I can't. He has lots of issues from his past, losing kids to previous realsionships, things like that.What really bugs me is when things got out of hand, not so long ago I was talking with my best friend and she told me he tried it on with her 8 months ago by saying very odd things that a friend's boyfriend shouldn't be saying to you. She was going to tell me but spoke to her mother about it and she said don't tell her because it would cause trouble. As it was she chose to ignore any comments from my boyfriend and put it down to odd flirting. But as she was round my house and she knew what he had done to me I was bitter, dishing out dirt on him and asked her if she had ever experienced anything odd with him and she then told me about him turning up on her doorstep saying he was meant to be at his dad's but they're not in and that I didn't know he was there and I shouldn't be told as I would go mad coz I'd been asking to be taken around my friend's for months, as it was her new place and I wanted to see it.Of course I froze thinking what a silly cow I'd been to have been taken for a ride all over again, and started shaking. What I can't understand is im in love with him and why he's not overly great looking and I'm (without blowing own trumpet not bad looking) why he goes for fairly odd and ugly big-sized women when all I've done is love him and never say no to much for him. If he was to ask, I'm not sure what he wants with me and if he loves me at all. I feel totally lonely and unsure of what to do anymore. Can anyone help me here? thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2005): Hi sweety. You say that you are going to Relate, so that is a start but it sounds to me like he could also do with going to some anger management classes. If he is becoming physically violent now too. Either that or as much as you love him you need to take the children and get out of the situation. They don`t deserve to be in a family where one day mommy may not be there any more because daddy got so angry he did something he would live to regret.Only you have the power to do what is right for you and your children.T ake care and good luck to you in whatever you decide is the right thing for you to do.
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