A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please I really need help. Things are so messed up now. I’m 17 and a junior in high school. Ok I’m going to use some fake names so I can explain it easier. The guy I like is “Mike”. I’ve liked him for 3 years now. Whenever I tried to get over him it never worked so I gave up. Plus he’s way too important to give up so easily. So I decided to enjoy the time I spent with him and when he’s upset I always be there to help him. And well over the years I always get these false hopes. Things started going really well and I finally think we can be together, but in the end it didn't work out. It’s happened so many times that it’s messed me up a lot. Emotionally I don’t want to date any other guys untill I can get over "Mike" because I will always put him first. Plus I tried it before and it ended up really bad. Lately "Mike" an I have grown really close. When he has a problem he comes to me and our other friend “John”. "Mike" can’t trust people very much and has a hard time telling people his problems. But he was able to tell me and "John" some. It made me really happy that he opened up. I want to do anything in my power to help him. I care about him so much that it hurts. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Mike has had a lot of difficult times throughout his life and I just hate seeing him so upset. One day he came to school so upset that I actually cried because I was so helpless and I hated seeing him in so much pain. So "Mike" was dating this girl from his old school for a couple months. I was happy because he was. He would smile more and stuff. Yeah I’m not going to lie, it did hurt a little hearing him talk about his girlfriend, but I was ok with it. As long as he was happy that’s all that matters, right? Well he was having trouble with his girlfriend and broke up with her. He then texted me and told me that he “just wanted to be single”. I helped him through the pain and though he still was hurting I was able to make him feel at least a little better.Then we started getting a lot closer. He would text me every day and we would text all day, from morning to night. He started being a lot nicer to me and when we texted we had some really good conversations and would also spend each other some flirty messages. Things were really good but that only lasted like a week. We hung out yesterday with two of our other friends. "Mike" was being nice and we all were having a lot of fun. He even gave me a ring that came with this thing he bought. I was so happy. Then our two friends went to walk around while "Mike" and I stayed behind and played cards. We played a couple games then he began opening up to me. He told me how a couple years ago he had this girlfriend who was perfect. He was really in love with her. But after a while she broke up with him and left him heartbroken. It’s been 11 years that he’s been dealing with it. He just can’t get over her. But he’s confused on why she broke up with him, there are many unknown answers. Well "Mike" told me that she’s coming back, not to our school because she goes to a different one, but back in his life, since she’s a friend of the family. Well Mike isn’t sure if he can handle it. I was doing all I could to help which a worked a little. He told me that he's trying to date other girls so that maybe he could try and move on, which so far wasn’t working. I wasn’t like jealous a lot, I could tell he really loves her and I want more than anything for him to be happy. I can’t even explain how much I care about him. The rest of that day and in the morning today everything was just fine. He was being nice and things were going great. But then during lunch I found out that he was thinking of asking out this one girl named “Ellen”. Ellen is both of our friends though I don’t see her much this year but Mike has a lot more classes with her. I was so shocked and confused. First he said he wanted some time to be single, he just broke up with his ex about a week ago, and then what was the point of that false hope he gave me. I keep telling myself I won’t fall for it, but every time I always do. I really hate that. Well so finding out that news ruined my whole day. And yes I did cry a lot, it’s just I really don’t think I can handle it. With Mike’s other girlfriends they were from other schools, so I didn’t have to see then together, but Ellen goes to our same school. I just hate myself for being like this, but I can’t help want I feel. On the bus today I had an open seat and so did Ellen, and where does Mike go, he goes with Ellen. I was just filled with all this pain. They were sitting there all close listening to music together. I hated seeing it, I really did. I wish I didn’t feel this way but I can’t help it. Does that make me a bad person? So now I have no idea what I’m going to do. It’s most likely that when Mike asks her out, she’s going to say yes. I don’t want to be the one that comes in-between them, I really don’t. I’m always there for Mike when he needs it. I cheer him up, we spend a lot of time together, and we know each other very well. I can really understand him, but I don’t get why he falls for all these other girls. I just don’t get why he doesn’t at least give me and him a chance. I hate not being able to try, because there’s no knowing if it could work out or not. But I just want him to be happy, but now I’m so un-happy. My heart is in so much pain and everything reminds me of him. So I have no idea what to do now. Please please help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 January 2012):
 You were such a good friend to Mike and you met the needs of everyone but you.
It is not selfish to put your needs first.
It is essential for your survival.
It is OK to help others. But if no one notices your pain while you help everyone else then that is not good for you. Time to practice the Art of Selfishness and do something GOOD for you every day and you will know that one really deserving person was treated well
we can reach out to help others. But first we need to be extra kind and considerate and supportive to ourselves.
My Best wishes to you and I hope that things are better now?
regards
Abelle
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