A
female
age
51-59,
*uddenly Shy
writes:Hi there,I have a question that has been bothering me for a while and I really hope someone can please shed some light on it.I have noticed a pattern in many of my relationships and I don't know why it happens or how I can help it.For example, my current boyfriend is the best man I have ever been in a relationship with. He is thoughtful, giving, kind, fun and interesting. For the first few months, he would tell me how I made him feel alive like he had never felt before. How he was having a wonderful time and felt like he could be truly comfortable with me. He said I was everything he was looking for in a woman. Everything, basically, but saying I love you verbally. His actions showed it by picking me up from work when the weather was cold or rainy, giving me little gifts for no reason, just little things like that. He gives me roses very often, and on my birthday, two weeks ago, a lovely silver and diamond necklace and a dozen red roses. On his cards, which are never mushy, usually funny, he does write Love, _________.Maybe I am not used to this kind of treatment, because now, around the 5 - 6 month mark, I am starting to feel tense and anxious around him. I feel unintelligent and boring. Sometimes I feel he is judging me and I am not measuring up like I did before. I am not as happy in the relationship and see little things as slights where I would not have seen that before. It is true, he has eased off on the compliments, etc. but isn't that natural as the relationship progresses? I do think he loves me, but maybe I am being too needy. I always feel this way around the six month mark, in a relationship, because I seem to need more and more reassurance. How do I get over this? This is a good man and I don't want to lose him.By the way, my father is a very unemotional, unaffectionate, quiet person. He was unkind to me emotionally when I was growing up and seems to enjoy the company of children more than adults, i.e. I was his little hunny when I was a child, but as I grew I felt his love and emotional attachment dwindle. He loves me, but can never say it or initiate a hug or kiss. I think I know why I feel insecure but what can I do about it to not push this man away
View related questions:
I love you, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Hun, first of all...you are an older lady. It's time to stop allowing childhood pain over rule your life. I mean we all get to a point in life where we mature, we grow from the sad times and reflect on just the joys. My dad was un affectionate too. I loved him and I told him that up until the day he passed away. I knew he loved me and all my siblings, but he just wasn't a lovey dovey guy. He expressed it in actions and behaviors...the little things. Phone calls on my birthday, coming for visits and enjoying the the bounty of grandchildren as he aged. But, ou get to a point where you have the self-love and confidence to 'accept' life as it was, when growing up. So
Sounds like you have a great guy there. You are that 6 month mark and I tell all couples, to wait before expressing undying love for each other. Your man plainky has heartfelt feelings for you but he's being cautious. He knows that six months is not long enough to commit to the 'love 'thing yet. So don't be so focused on those three litltle words. Just enjoy him and what he offers. He probably has great affection for you but you are allowing you past hurts and pain to overrule here. Stop doing that! You need to take responsibility for your own happiness and stop emotionally depending on a man to give that to you. That's being weak and he may be sensing this neediness and is backing off a bit.
I want you to try something with this guy. Just smile, be the most positive, warm., fun person you can be with him. I want you to conduct yourself with poise, grace and confidence when you are with him. You do this in your walk, in your smile, in you essence as a fantastic, awesome woman. Make yourself the most lovable, adorable and he won't resist. But truely learn to love yourself and he will see that in you. Men want a happy, confident, healthy woman that are full of energy and fun. They don't want neediness, clinginess and dependancy. They hate that. You are a gracious woman in her midlife... that should have the courage, the maturity, the life smarts and assurance to feel good about herself all on her own. Now get out there and prove it to him. The man has given you roses, little gifts for no reason, picked you up when it was raining...I mean what more does he have to do.? If he hasn't said he 'loves you' yet...so what...does his actions not say he really, really likes and respects you. Accept that for now. And when he's ready after building something more solid with you, after he sees your inner beauty...he will say that to to you ...but he will do it when he's ready. You can't rush this, dear...give it time and stop over thinking this. Just be the best you can. I wish you both the best of luck..take care and be happy.
|
