A
female
age
36-40,
*orn_apart
writes:I made a mistake. I think I chose the wrong guy. When the love of my life (my best friend) asked me to be his, I said no. We've been in love for five years, we just didn't know we BOTH felt that way, and when he finally tells me his feelings of the past few years he was a few days short of leaving for Afghanistan. I didn't think I could sit around and wait for him for 12 months hoping he'll come home safe.So, I said no and stayed with my boyfriend, who by all accounts is perfect for me in every way, and I do love him. He's not HIM, but I know I can be happy and have a good life with him.Silly thing is, I still find myself waiting ... and hoping.Question is, do I stay in the safe zone with my perfect boyfriend, or do I take risk - wait for my soldier knowing that we'll always be complicated no matter how much we love each other?
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female
reader, torn_apart +, writes (19 July 2010):
torn_apart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply, was very helpful. To add, we didn't know we both loved each other, because I moved away a few years ago and before had just been best mates, we talked all the time while I was gone - he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend at the time. I guess keeping in contact and talking as we always have over the years made me fall deeper in love with him - but never said because he was my best friend and I hadn't seen him in almost 5 years. He told me he wanted to see me before he left for afghanistan so we caught up for a week (nothing sexual happened) and it was amazing just talking to him and seeing him. Then he told me how he felt, and I him. But I guess I didn't want to wait hoping her was safe the 12 months, as we've never dated, been best friends and what id
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 It's not possible to not know you are in love. I prefer safe to uncertainty. The safety zone actually allows you room to try out exciting things. I don't get why you have the perfect guy with you, but still long for something you can't attain. If you have to choose, you don't love either of them. Anyway I can think of too many reasons not to date a soldier working in Afghanistan.
You said your boyfriend is perfect. If perfect is not enough for you, what is? Perfect has a new meaning. Some people avoid being near perfect because it means it has nowhere else to go, no more progress, like death. Is that what all guys are and you can only divide them into two groups? They are either safe and available, or distant and exciting? What do you think about guys dividing women into virgin mothers and whores? I don't know why you choose waiting over a good happy life with your boyfriend. You are idealizing the love that has no beginning or no end.
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