A
female
age
51-59,
*iulianna
writes:I was dating my boyfriend for 4 months and everything was going good. He was txt`n me multiple times a day, every day. I was in no doubt that this guy was `into me`. He lived about 50 miles from me, and i don`t drive, so he was alwyas coming to see me, i had never ben to his home or surrounding area in the 4 months that we had been together. I didn`t really have a prob with this, although i was starting to wonder when he would take me to his area, as he was saying things to me like `i want to see where you grew up`. for the last month of our relationship, a colleague of mine kept asking me `have you been to his home town yet?`. Then a couple of days before valentine`s day, she asked me this again, when i said that i hadn`t yet been there, she then went on a rant, saying that he was `playing` me and was i sure that he wasn`t married or something. I really did trust him, but the seed of doubt was sown. He works for himself, and had been working long hours in the run up to valentines day, and when i asked him about meeting up on valentine`s day (by txt msg) he said he would have loved to, but he was struggling to get this job finished and had to work late again. I then sent a txt asking what was goin on, was he married or something cos i had never seen where he came from. He txt back asking what was i goin on about, and i txt back sayin that if he had to work, that wasn`t a problem, but he had never suggested any other alternative. He then went silent on me. For the first month i was txt`n him asking him to meet me to speak about what had happened. He didn`t ignore me, but txt back saying that he just didn`t know what to say to me.He did however confirm that, no he wasn`t married, attached in any way, or seeing anyone else. Eventually after a month of this i asked him ¬do you never want to see me again or do you?`, he responde by saying that he didn`t know what he wanted. This all happened 4 months ago now. I have left him alone, and out of the blue, a week and a half ago he txt me asking me `how you been x ?`, i replied that i had been a bit stressed with a work situation and we txt back and forth for a bit him asking about this, i wasn`t heavy or anything, just chatted. He never asked to meet up with me tho. What i was wondering was, is this him testing the water again? He hasn`t txt me again, but i txt him th other night to ask how he was feeling as he had a bug and hadn`t been well, again we txt back and fwd a bit, that was all. Would very much welcme you`r thoughts and advice. Thanks
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Hi,
I think your gut feelings here are right. Something IS strange about his behaviour towards you. It doesn't have to mean that he really is married and is hiding a wife and kids from you, but it is definitely something that is bothering him and that he won't share with you.
The question you asked him is not out of line, but he couldn't give you any answer to it. I agree with the others, don't put too much hope into him taking sporadic contacts now. If he is serious and wants to be with you it is now up to him to show you what his real intentions with all this are.
Good luck and best wishes!
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Why don't you do a bit of detective work and take a train to his hometown to see what this guy is up to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): This is what gave away to me that there is soemthing he is not telling you...
"I then sent a txt asking what was goin on, was he married or something cos i had never seen where he came from. He txt back asking what was i goin on about, and i txt back sayin that if he had to work, that wasn`t a problem, but he had never suggested any other alternative. He then went silent on me."
"he then went silent on me," YES this guy is hiding something from you. When a guy TRULY likes you and has nothing to hide, you can be a little jealous and question him about anything and he will automatically comfort you and explain to you that you have nothing to worry about... A guy who genuinely likes you will probably just find your jealousy really charming cause it shows to him that you really like him...but this guy going silent on you just shows that he was hiding something and the second you caught on he decided to bounce...
That's not love and yes he is playing you...that is a normal reaction for a guy who is playing you... and NOT a normal reaction for a guy with genuine interest...
So my advice to you is just let it go, quit answering his texts and move on...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I have lots of empathy with you, but must agree with "lotus mama 808", text message are very impersonal and not the way to communicate and to really get to know each other.
What also concerns me very much is you do not mention as to which level you were involved or on what level the relationship was; friendship, an relationship, intimate?
In order to really try and understand and form a picture of the true situation I will need more detail, but for now, with the info at hand, I will not waste much time on this guy.
I think you have realized it by now and continue living your life, ...yes be friendly with him, when he makes contact, but do not wait for him or hope for much more!
Good luck and stay strong!
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Texting is a very non-personal way to communicate. It's okay when you just want to tell someome you love them or to give them a quick message, but it isnt personal. It isnt a good way to get to know someone, or communicate your feelings with someone you are in a relationship with. Who knows, he could be texting you with a wife or girlfriend standing behind him. If you are too shy to have intimate discussions with him in person, he probably isnt the man for you. About your instincts (which are almost always good to follow), my favorite saying is: "a person with nothing to hide, hides nothing". You said he was hiding his hometown, roots and past from you, so, yes, most likely he is hiding something big from you. I dont mean to sound so negative, but if this were my lover, I would be asking some questions. It sounds to me like he is not wanting to develop a serious relationship with you, for whatever reason, being his past, present, etc...Perhaps its time to move on, make yourself available to better, greener pastures;) We arnt getting any younger, nows the time!
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