A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:after getting out of an on and off verbally and sometimes physically abusive relationship that has gone on for 20 years and i where ive finally grown up and do not want to be abused anymore, i think my ex could possibly be stalking me now. i have already left the town where he knew i lived but i think he has found out that i am still working in that area, i definately dont think he knows where i live. i wont be working there for to much longer as i am doing a course in the summer so i will no longer need to work in that area. but what is the purpose of stalking me? people have told me that it is about control but how can it be control when i have left and he doesnt know where i live and what i do with my life anymore? also he hasnt approached me and i have just ignored him and pretended i havent seen him.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 March 2009):
Who ever said it was about control was right, but obviously didn't understand enough to explain properly.
This guy has spent the last 20 years treating you like a punch bag to make himself feel like a man. Whenever he was angry, he could go to you and make you feel like crap and get it out of his system.
So for his punch bag to suddenly grow a pair of legs and say they aren't taking it any more, well that is just going to throw him completely.
The pitiful pathetic creature can't cope. He doesn't know how to function like a real man, so he is following you round in a bit of a state of confusion waiting for you to do what you have always done in the past: Apologise for being bad, take his beatings and then make him a nice cup of tea and be incredibly grateful when he gave you any scrap of love. He can't feel powerful any more and he wants to feel like a man again.
If he sat at home and moved on, he'd have to realise what a complete scumbag and failure of a human being he is. So it's a lot easier to think you are in the wrong and try and scare you, or get you back so he can go back to normal.
In time he will realise that you have gone for good, it's not going to work and then he will go and find some other girl who hopefully will have the sense to walk away at the very first sign of abuse.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): Abusive men do not like to let go of that control. And even though he doesn't know where you live, he is maintaining his control of his control by going to the places he knows he will find you. My ex did the same thing. He would circle my place of work on his Harley and revv it up when in front of it, he would do this repeatedly. It was maddening and frightening. He would find me at my church, and put on the "Christain" act. It will be better once you leave that job. Eventually he will give up, once he is out of options. Then he will find a more available victim to make miserable!
Be careful and don't take his presence lightly! Good Luck and Stay Safe! If he frightens you, get a restraining order!
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