A
female
age
41-50,
*ruizensnoopy
writes:I dated a guy for about a year when I was 21. He went to prison, and although I tried to keep the connection going, he was going to be gone for 3-4 years and I knew I couldn't handle it, so I severed ties with him (never told him, just stopped taking his calls). When he got out 3 years ago, he contacted my family. I called him and was very short with him, pretty much made it clear that I had moved on. Then he had one of his friends contact me, and I ignored it. Fast forward to 6 months ago...I was bored one day and had his number, so I texted him to see how he was doing. We texted all night and part of the next day. Then all of a sudden he disappeared. I texted him regularly, asking what was up. Finally a few weeks went by, and I asked him straight up (thru text) why he stopped talking to me. He replied that I "scared him". I don't know how I did, but I accepted the answer. I started thinking about him constantly. A few weeks ago, I texted him and told him I was sorry about the way things ended with him way back when, and that if I could go back and change it I would. He replied by telling me to drive up to see him (he lives in VA, I live in NC) after I got off work that night.Stupidly, I left work the next night and drove 3 hours to see him. We spent 2 days together. I asked him if he had feelings for me, and he said yes. We slept together, but he was very indifferent toward me the whole time. I was picturing this romantic reunion, and it wasn't like that at all. When I left, I asked if we would see each other again, and he said "we'll talk". He went back to ignoring me as if we had never seen each other. I started texting him regularly, and he never responded, except for the occasional "hello" or "ok". I realized that I was wasting my time, so I stopped. I stopped texting him. After a week, on the night before Christmas Eve, I get a text from him. He asks if I want to drive there to spend the night with him. I tell him no, I'm with my family; he can drive to see me (thinking this would never happen). He actually gets in his car and comes to where my family is, rents a hotel room, and we spend Christmas Eve together. He suggests that I move to where he lives. I don't really take it seriously. We start seeing each other every week on my days off; in between visits, he always ignores my texts and NEVER calls me. He tells me if I was serious about us, I would move there. Between every visit, he ignores me, and when I'm there he keeps me at arm's length. I've asked him straight up if he has feelings for me and he says yes, but ignores me and when he does talk to me, tells me that I need to lose weight, or get a better job, or other things I need to do to improve myself. He was a drug addict before he went to prison; he isn't now, but is addicted to gambling and has no job. He told me until my life is "in order", meaning I lose weight and get a better job (I've worked for the same company for 5 1/2 years) that I can't be his girlfriend. I told him I thought we wanted different things. He keeps talking about moving in together, but then ignores me. My heart is breaking. I feel like I've come full circle: when he went to prison, I always thought about us being together when he got out, but now that it's happening, its nothing like I pictured it. Before he went to prison, he had problems, but he was loving and caring and treated me like a princess. I feel like he may be getting back at me for dumping him when he was in prison. I have serious feelings for him, and I want us to be together. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): It sounds to me like he is using you for the sex now. Do you really want to be with somebody who is such a jerk that he will sleep with you but say you are too fat to be his gf?Move on and as they say, less drama is good for you!
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