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female
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,
anonymous
writes:Recently my BF of three years told me that he was a cocaine addict and has been drug free for over 20 years. I do not know what the long time effect of cocaine has on the system and are there things I should be aware of; possibly mood swings, health issues. I am so confused right now my head is spinning. I honestly love this man but I am afraid what if he would start using drugs again, and, I have no idea what signs to look for if he is using. If a person was addicted to cocaine and has been drug free for 20 years, are they still considered an addict? What are the chances that they might start drugs again? He is employed where they do random drug testing and I think that is why he has not started any type of drug, fear of losing his job. With this news of him being a former user I am starting to think that is why he has never been married, and has had numerous relationships. I am reaching out to all of you because I do not want my family and friends to know about his past. I would like unbiased thoughts and opinions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2015): I absolutely agree, once an addict, always an addict. Naranon is a great thing for you to go to and I'm hoping he's still attending meetings once in awhile so he doesn't forget how sick he was when he came in. Even seeing people new to recovery will help him to solidify this. It wouldn't hurt to ask him what to look for, after 20 years of him being clean (good for him! Not an easy task), I'm sure he'll be honest with you. I'm a little disturbed that he took that long to tell you, but I think he wanted you to like him for him and that he has been judged in the past. Maybe numerous women have dumped him over this. What situation did you meet him in? Is he constantly in a setting where he'd be judged for his past and untrusted (sadly, a lot of places of worship do this to people)? I really hope he gets back to meetings, or is at least in regular contact with someone from the program. Even if he chooses AA instead, or any other recovery group (Reformers Unanimous and Celebrating Recovery are Christian groups), that's fine. Racing for Recovery is a health-based recovery group. Any of those are tremendously helpful, but people like AA/NA best because of the principles lined up in there. My own counselor (I am in recovery myself) always says, "The 12 steps are basically boiled down to 'How not to be a jerk'." If he feels he doesn't have to go to those meetings (or anything similar), you can still go. Al-anon is for loved ones of alcoholics, but it's still very helpful for you. While anyone can relapse at any time (he's one snort away from going right back to where he was ... that happens FAST), it sounds like he's been doing good things for a long time. Sounds like he's staying away from people who use and he's changed his lifestyle. that is a BIG one. Signs?1. disappearing for long periods without explanation, or else an explanation that just doesn't make sense2. large sums of money disappearing without explanation or anything to show for it (careful, addicts are good liars and he could very easily say "Yeah, I paid off this really big debt for car insurance from years ago that I forgot about"3. if he's snorting it, he's going to high for maybe 15 minutes or so, if he shoots or smokes it, it's going to go away faster (the effect, I mean, is about 5 minutes or so) and it'll be more intense. Most coke addicts I know are binge users, those who smoke it tend to be more compulsive. 4. not sure what coke smells like when smoked, but crack, which is similar, smells like burnt plastic/burnt tires. 5. mood swings from high-energy/aggression to depression/anxiety/paranoia. Of course, these things can describe a bipolar person too or maybe he's having an "on" moment where he's high energy and getting lots of things accomplished. You need to look for something that is extremely different from his normal behavior. Yeah, they're good at hiding it from people, but you'd have to watch over a period of time.6. being secretive (more so than usual)7. Their pupils are really dialated (big) when they're high and they'll have a hard time sleeping, they may talk way faster than normal and seem to have the sniffles a lot. Of course, many of these things could be just a simple cold.8. you may see small glass pipes (basically a hollow cylinder the width of a pencil, about five inches long) or a corner of a plastic baggie. One could use those pipes to smoke it or even use it as a straw to snort it. Oh, people use regular straws too, but they'll be cut into smaller pieces They tend to burn their lips on those things if they're smoking it, and you can see powder around their nose if they don't wipe it off right away.It sounds like he's still doing well and that you don't have anything to worry about. If you're planning to marry him or move in with him, tell him you feel better if he's able to prove large amounts of money disappearing. I'm sure he doesn't want you to panic and start suspecting him, but he wanted to be honest with you, especially in case some people from the past decided to bring it up to you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 June 2015):
 you need to get in touch with Nar-anon.
it's for family and friends of addicts
http://www.nar-anon.org/
I myself go to Al-anon as my husband is in recovery for alcohol.
Once an addict always an addict and always in recovery.
earlier this year we went to a meeting and the guy was celebrating 51 years sober. "Hi i'm Bill and I'm an alcoholic/addict"
good recovery admits that they can never control it therefore they stay way from it.
does he go to meetings?
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