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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I met and fell head over heels in love with this wonderful man. From the start we were fighting against all odds, you see I'm 28 and he is 52, he grew up with my parents then moved away, we met 5 years ago. Over time we became friends and then eventually we started a relationship against both our families wishes. His family saw that we were serious about each other but unfortunately my family never have. We got married. I stayed working, I had my own business, he was retired we thought finally everything was going right no more struggling, now I see we were wrong.I got sick, stopped working, when ever I thought it was getting better I'd get a knock back, we went through a year of this and finally I was clear. A couple of weeks ago I found out I was pregnant as you can imagine I was delighted, he didn't seem all that excited about it he thinks I'm not strong enough to go full term but I know I can do this.He decided to go back working. Now our life has changed, we hardly ever spend time alone. I can remember a time when we spend all our time together, we sleep in the same bed but that its now. We used to make love nearly everyday before I would go to work, now if I go to him when he is aroused he will make an excuse get out of bed, shower and get away from me.I feel as if my world has just collapsed, he won't talk about it won't come near me. What do I do, I love him and I know it hasn't been easy but I feel as if he wants to run away from all of this. Sometime I think he regrets us ever happening.How can I go on like this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): Hi,
I am seeing this from the other side of this relationship as I am the older man involved with a lot younger girl, I love my partner with everything I have and have even suprised myself how much I feel for her,
Age gap relationships seem to be special in their own right because we make a concious choice to go into them usually against the advise of our friends and relatives, they take work, more than any other relationship but when they are right then they are so special that you do not need anything else.
Your man needs to think again as to why he wanted you so much, to risk all that he did to get your relationship together, Remind him, these relationships dont just happen, they take concious decisions, I think your last respondent is right, he is just a bit scared of becoming a father again, he probably didn't think it would ever happen, I had the same situation not long ago, I want more children, always have, but my first impression was "oh my god what are we going to do" but then I was over the moon, so was she, unfortunatley it was a false alarm, Talk to him, remind him about all the love and effort it took to get you together, you never know it might be something completely different, he may be getting a temporary stage of erectile disfunction or something due to him stressing about the pregnancy and is too embarraced to talk to you about it, men bottle these sort of things up and he may be terrified of telling you and risk losing you, older men always worry as to whether they will be good enough and attractive enough to keep their younger partners.
Talk, explain how much you love him and that he is not going to lose you no matter what Communication is the only cure,
Good luck
PS to the first answer, kids dont worry how old their parents are so long as they love them and are there for them, how many eight year olds have old dragons as school teachers and most of them are only early twenties, were all old to kids, one big happy family of old people, kids dont discriminate against their parents
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): the only way you will ever know how he feels is by directly asking him the only way you can save the relationship is by communicating with each other, although he should be the one explaining to you why he is acting the way he is acting. Maybe he's a bit intimidated by the new responsibility a baby will bring and he doesn't know how to deal with it, you most probably know him best, you can get to the bottom of this:)
Although, you obviously love him very much however he might not be the man you thought he was, or he might have changed because unfortunately people do change, i've drifted away from many people in my life because they just changed i didnt know why they didnt give me an explanation just left me in the dark. Anyway, like i said you must sit down with him and have a honest, serious discussion with him tell him how you feel, ask him what he's so afraid of, he can't leave you as a single mum he's old and responsible enough to take the consequences of his actions. You need to have this conversation asap don't worry about waiting for a good time, you're right you can't go on like that maybe you could talk to a counsellor or someone at the family clinic if things get too stressful, they offer a lot of health and support i've heard.
Remember you have done nothing wrong, you have just been put in a difficult position which you don't deserve, u will sort it out message me if u want 2 tlk some more all the best xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): your poor child having to grow up with parents nearly 25 years older than each other .the poor thing will think his dad is his grandad
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