| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Basically my partner has just stormed out of the house saying he is furiously angry with me and I have to change. I love him and I know he is unhappy and I hate him being unhappy but at the same time I don;t know what to do.Basically he is a musician, with all the lifestyle this entails, and I am trying to be a professional worker. The particular job is known to be exhausting and emotionally crippling for everyone who does it. I am sometimes very unhappy when I get home. He is usually surrounded by his friends making music. I go uptairs and cry, and then have to do more work. At weekends I just feel sick and want to hide.I never see my friends anymore. I am living with him and he lives in a scary place in town down a deserted alley. (I have been attacked several times, by dogs, or muggers and once a rapist). All the people around are desperate even if they are lovely (and many of them are) It could be ok if he helped me and explored the area with me but he doesnt. Anyway no one would really want to live here unless they were on a mission and I desperately want to move. I miss a garden and animals and dogs and everything about my old life. He knew that and promised we would move when i came here and has been telling me for months that he wants to move but it must wait until I get another job. But it turns out that the real reason is that he is hugely in debt and too scared to move. I have sympathy but I dont see this as a terminal problem, i think there is always a way. But he runs out of the room when i try and talk about it.We are not making love which he resents but he always comes to bed hours after me and i have to get up at 6. Also i am scared because our lifestyle is not healthy and i am 42 and i want a baby but think that we are not healthy enough to have a healthy one.He does not want to discuss being healthier either.He is looking ill and i am scared for him too.he says he is fed up with my misery and mood swings and says i do not love him. i know i have been very unhappy in this new job but am scared of leaving it and have no energy or time to find another one while i am doing it. i have been trying to keep this misery away from him but it is getting to the point where i am drinking on my own because i am so unhappy and there is no one to talk to.i think he thinks he can do better. i would have said i was good enough when i moved in but now i am sad and fatter and more wrinkled and also unhappy so i think he can do better. he earns much more than me although he spends it all and also has travel and glamour in his life as he is quite succesful although he is in so much debt.i look ahead at the options of finding a room and carrying on in this job which i took to be with him and i despair. he keeps shouting that he doesn't want "this" in his life but he will not talk about how i can change things. i think he just wants me to shut up and act happy and i can't do it.what can i do? i feel so alone. my family can't support me and i have no one to turn to.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Dear lady, you are in an abusive relationship and from your text I can see that you are co-dependent. You choose to be in an place where you do not feel comfortable and where people attack you. You choose to stay there because it is familiar to you, although it is far from being in a healthy environment. It seems like you are used to being in an unsafe place and let people abuse you, which causes you depression etc. Please plan your way out asap, or you will end up in a much worse place. You need to take care of yourself and now, and find the real you before you decide to be in another relationship. And if you want to have a child and if you have realized that you are not healthy and he is not healthy to be a parent then please plan your way out. The sooner you get out of that place the sooner you can live the life you have always wanted to live and the sooner you can meet a healthy man, but you can only meet a healthy man if you become a healthy person. Please read this: http://www.turningpoint6.com/pages/typesofabuse.shtmland also read this article about co-dependency: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/otherillnesses/codependency.aspGood luck in getting your life right
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