A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a question. I would like to find out if my boyfriend truly loves me and has me as his number one, or if he is not serious about me. We've been together for 2 years. First one was great and he was madly in love, then he dumped me and begged for me back. Since then I am constantly afraid if he is interested in other women. For example, he spends long periods away on business. He is not always around. And little comments he makes about other women (some could interpret these in a harmless way, but he always grins when talking about "girls") lead me to believe he may be nasty. He is very loving towards me though and tells me he loves me quite a lot. I don't want to test him by introducing a decoy, I think this is desperate and fake. But now I have to decide whether to commit to him or not and this seems like the only way. There is another way I can test him by asking one of his friends (who is very loyal to me) but again this feels like something pathetic people do. If I take the time to put together a ploy to see if he is interested in other women, I feel like a fool for doing this, especially if I find something I don't like. Should I just walk away and keep my integrity? Or should I give him the benefit of the doubt (he has never done anything wrong after all and we have been very close) and resort to this silly but very helpful idea of testing him? Please advise.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 Trust is never absolute, it is like faith. If you know for certain then it is no longer faith, it is knowledge.
Infidelity is often provable, but how do you proof the absence of infidelity?
He grins when talking about girls... oh okay, so he is male. Even if he thinks of other girls, there is a reason we don't convict people for thinking of crimes. It doesn't mean he is cheating.
Being away on business is not an issue either, it is a classic image of the business man away on a trip sleeping around but there are TWO things to remember. Business is hard and sending someone away costs a lot of money, they expect him to work. Jetlag really is not something that makes you horny. From experience, I am away often and at those time I work so hard that the last thing I think about is sex. Be worried about the bored office guy surrounded by bored office women. He has the time and opportunity.
All you got is that he dumped you and then asked you back. It is not unreasonable that you have become insecure about him but he can't prove he is not cheating. Send a decoy and he might just not be attracted to the decoy. Ask his friend and his friend might just not know about it.
You can't prove a negative.
I don't know if he is cheating. It is very easy to suggest that a guy who is not always there might be two-timing but there are guys that are home every day right after office time who screw around.
Faith, either you trust him, or you don't. If you can't trust him, you are going to tear yourself and then the relationship apart.
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