A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, just a quick question please to get your views. if you suspect your BF is having an affair, but know that you are quite insecure, and have trust issues yourself and cannot prove anything, so then you back right off and he starts coming on really strong and seeing you more, acting panciky and worried as he knows you are detaching, does it mean he could still be having an affair and wants his cake and eat it? or does it mean he is definetly not having an affair, as why would he get so clingy and coming on strong otherwise? Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answers. So a guy can act clingy if he.s cheating? That.s interesting anon,that your guy wanted more sex when he was cheating. My one wants to see me more,and have more sex which i find a bit confusing ,as i thought it may be less? X
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Person 1234, I don;t trust him. he doenst tell me even ordinary stuff. yes he has sensed it, then he goes nuts and chases me and the MOMENT I show him any display of affection, like calling him and stuff, he kinds of starts taking me for granted again, and calls me back hours later and that. it;s horrible and hurtful. it;s like he wants to get me back all needy and stuff like I used to be with him. I have to be consistent to change this patter, but it;s hard work. Sometimes I wonder if he is just playnig me and seeing if he can still ' have' me so to speak.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 It doesn't mean anything about cheating, it means he's sensed you've backed off and is chasing after you. If there some other reason you think he's cheating?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPS also - it is driving him insane that I am cheeful and not as needy for him., it used to be the other way round, but I am getting stronger and he is acting weird !!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPS - please take this example. he told me he had started jogging in the park and I asked him which park? and he was like' oh here we go, what do you want me to do? tell you everything? I mane, that;s how nuts it gets, and then when I told him I was going out with a freind yesterday, he was all funny and being sarcastic about who it was and that and telling me that that is how I question him. I actually emailed him today and said to him ' hey I know it drives you mad when I ask you something, but even inoccent questions? I am not being accusatory or anything, but everyone is different!! he has not answered, but I am glad I said it. I cannot ask him harldy ANYTHING, and he knows it gets to me, which is why I started backing off, and he has been sarcastic about it. I am glad he realises he can;t keep going like this, but I can;t stand the me cooling off and him chasing again. Sometimes, I wonder why he does chase me if I drive him that mad. Sometimes i thin khe does not answer me delberatly in order to get me going and get me all insecure andf stuff. he litterally panicks like mad when I do dissapear, and I have been very cool for a few weeks now and he is swinging in and out of being rather annoyed as I am changing the pattern, ot all cling and desperate. I am just trying to get things on an even keel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. he just acts a bit mysterious and stuff which leads me to believe he is. Eg gets all hot tempered and thinks I am being intrusive when I ask him simple questions, but either way, is it normal to only go after someone when they back off? it;s weird, he only seems to respond to that . It;s like this push, pull thing as when i start calling him again he backs off and goes cool.
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female
reader, Molliee +, writes (22 May 2012):
First of all, if you really love this guy then you would be learning to trust him.
Secondly, TALK to him. If you are feeling insecure about something then talk to him, every relationship should be honest and should be able to talk about anything without feeling embarrassed.
If he is being clingy then he is either trying to hide something or he doesnt want to lose you, maybe because he has done something or maybe because he loves you. Honestly, the best thing you can do is talk to him
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 May 2012):
 I agree with Ciar... if you back off and he comes after you he does not want to lose you but it is no indication of cheating or not cheating...
why do you suspect him of cheating? what else is going on?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 The fact that your boyfriend is clingy when you withdraw simply means he doesn't want to lose you (be it for love or security). It does not suggest or prove he is or isn't cheating.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): In my case, my ex wanted a lot more sex when he was cheating. Everyone acts differently. I would pay attention to drastic changes. Keep your eyes peeled
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