A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months and we live 40 miles from each other. We go to each other's places at week-ends and I am getting fed up of the travelling and strain that it puts on us. I think we would get on better if we lived together and I am willing for us to move in together and live half way between our work. We both own our own properties.My boyfriend says that he doesnt think we get on well enough. He classes every discussion about anything serious where we dont agree as an 'argument' which I dont understand as to me its 'discussing something'. There are no raised voices, name calling or anything like that so I cant see where he is coming from. He says he wants to be 100% sure before he commits as he doesnt want to just 'live with someone' and that he wants it all, engagement, marriage etc. He has never lived with anyone before, I have lived with several guys in the past in longterm relationships and believe you dont really know someone until you live with them.I really feel with him that he is looking for the perfect relationship and its not going to be with me and that this is just something for now. I dont want that, I am at a different level where I want to move on with things and feel frustrated at his complacency. Surely after 18 months if he wanted to be with me we would be together now, its not like we are rushing things and we are both adults and dont have young children or anything.How can I resolve this feeling.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 The perfect woman he's looking for is someone who agrees with him 100%, is forever patient, and wouldn't mind travelling to him every weekend indefinately. Assuming he's as old as you, he has not married or lived with anybody before? What does that tell you? Sounds like he doesn't want to be known. You are not rushing at all. For him, if you are more ready than he is, you are rushing. If you are expressing a different opinion you are raising your voice. If you are right then he is wrong. The thing you have to concern is can you have a relationship with a person who can't compromise?
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