A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with this guy I met on the internet. He has a wife and three kids. He says he loves me and that we are soulmates!He has made so many promises and sent me some really nice things. I have never been this in love! He says he does not live with his family but I am not sure. I call him and he doesn't answer his phone(nights and weekends I get emails and texts instead ) I don't have his home phone number. I will be on the phone with him and he abruplty has a reason to hang up saying he will call back in a few minutes but never does. I have given him an ultimatum many times to come and be with me and all I get is excuses that relate to his kids. How can I get him to come clean?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): Agreed with everyone else here...great advice. Firstly, a woman doesn't blindly fall in love with a married guy off the internet! There are men on the internet, who spend a lot of their time getting ego massages and their kicks by preying on unattached women. They are witty, affectionate and charming. He is pressuring you with his interest (gifts, attentions, empty promises.)That’s why it works for him and you have fallen for this fellow, hook, line and sinker. So what is it about you, that is missing out of your life that you would allow yourself to get baited like this? And what do you really, really know about him? I mean-the deep crux of who he truely, truely is? What do you get out of the relationship? Not much, that I can see except some attention from a married man, who is lying already to someone..likely his family. Then..why should he not lie to you? So...What does he get out of the relationship? He's possibly hoping for some fun on the side if he plays his cards right. It really sounds like he was trolling the net and you took the bait. And by what you have said about him... he's definitely hiding something, isn't he? He's either living at home with the wife and kids or...living with another love interest. If he won't give you his home phone number, he's afraid that the wife/or this other gf will pick up the phone. If he abruptly hangs up the phone, it likely means the wife or his gf, have just walked in the door. If I were you, I would walk away from this immediately. Think smart and lose this loser, hun.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): You can't get him to come clean and why would you want to? And he is not having sex with her either, right? Once a liar always a liar just ask his wife. You sound like the type who would believe anything if you fell for such lies. Go ahead, call him up and have him serve you some more. All while he has his cake and eats it too.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (22 May 2007):
 How easy it is to fall for someone that you've never met because he is paying you lots of attention on the internet. Now that you can SEE all the "signs" of a married man who is more then likely just wanting to have an "internet affair"...I would hope that you would delete all his emails and not text him back anymore. I am not saying this in a mean way, believe me, however, if you can't really talk or date, even if he said he was divorced, or that he was going through a divorce...I would tell him when it's finalized, then call me. I think I would try to put myself in "her" shoes...how would that make me feel if my husband was doing this to me and my family. Let him screw himself and don't be a part of it. He would not be worth it. If he can't give out his home number, he's married. All the excuses, no matter what they are, he's married. Think about it, he's paying you attention that you are seeking and it facinates you. I am sure you would rather be with someone who will respect you and love you the way you should be...and not have to worry about could he be lying to me...think about it. Alot of women (including myself), have all been down this road, however, we have learned from it...and we pray, that you will not make the mistake we have or hope that you will learn from it and move on. Best of Luck in meeting someone NEW!!! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): There are plenty of men out there and you choose to be not only with a married man but with someone you think is lying to you? Sounds like a great start for a future. Who are you to give any ultimatums? Shouldn't his wife be doing that? What about the children? Have you or your philandering boyfriend thought of them. Do you think you are going to have a life with him and they will love you? Think again, he will end up resenting YOU for breaking up his family. Trust me in know from experience. You don't say how old you are but I pray that you are in college so you have time to smarten up!
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
If he has a wife and three kids, fails to call you back, will only text/email you in the evenings and weekends, and more then I think it's safe to say that this relationship will not progress. He is kidding himself, hurting his family and frustrating you.
You say that you've never been "this in love." Are you sure that it's not lust? I'm not trying to be condescending. I really want you to think about it, okay? Step back, look at your situation. Read your problem as if you were not the one who wrote it. What would be the advice you'd give this woman?
I think you know what to do. Don't let yourself fall any deeper into this problem and don't let yourself be used. I would also be concerned about splitting up a family - please think about that aspect, as well. I know that you aren't the only one who would do that - obviously the man you're seeing would be responsible, as well. But look at him from that point, as well. Would you like to be with a man who can turn off feelings for even his own children like that? What does that say about how he would respect you if you two *were* to carry on together?
Take care.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 May 2007):
 How about YOU come clean. Dump the married guy, you can't possibly be THAT desperate. Jeese Louise, a wife and three kids, how can you live with yourself when you think of them?! Be a class act and go find a man you don't have to steal from his family.
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