A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone have any tips on moving on and rising from a situation - to be frank I have been diagnosed with OCD since I was a young girl now I'm (31) and I feel like my whole young adult life has been a big obsession and worry cloud. I either worry about what is going to happen or obsess about the pat - and irrelevant things. Example I was with my bf (ex) now five months ago - he dumped me and treated me very badly- the logical part and therapy part tell me this is not a good man - a man that mistreats you - dumps you over a texts and never returns your stuff is a class lass man it wasn't your fault. But my mind obsess and goes over every situation we had and thinks what if I had said this what if this had been done this way - what if this and that (an obsessive thought process that goes nowhere) I have tried to keep busy but it's impossible to get out of my head - I feel like I'm always paranoid and if I'm not thinking about the past it's always the future. I can never be present- I've tried to go out all the time and exercise and just stopped thinking but my mind gets stuck on one thing and now it's him and the scenarios go back- any tips? It's hard for me to put into practice- I will run into people like this men that will take advantage of me- why am I over- analyzing every moment we had - he seemed to not care at all; my mind on the other hand won't stop. Any tips on how to calm down - I have tried medications too sadly none work
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): The first thing to remember is that most people worry about something and it is not uncommon to replay a breakup scenario over and over again , either to look for missing hints or clues or just because you are still internalising it!I suggest you book some counselling by going to your doctor and asking for a referral.There you can talk freely about your concerns without worrying that it will be thrown back in your face by anyone who knows you.Also they have some mind strategies that can help you to deal with unhappy emotions and they can be very helpful!Its usually useful especially if your mind is blocking you with repetitive thoughts.After you do this you may find your old sparkle returning to you.Feel free to discuss events other than being dumped because being dumped is usually seen as rejection and may awaken other feelings connected to it.Many people seek help for this kind of issue which can be closely related to bereavement and also trust and betrayal!So while you have become one of billions who have been dumpedand lived to tell the tale, your feelingzs are uniquely your own.Finally there is light at the end of the tunnel!You will soon feel better about yourself and you may find that you emerge stronger, wiser and happier.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 October 2016):
 There is a book called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder for Dummies (yep) and it explains how out minds work when dealing with OCD and how to work through things when we get stuck.
OCD is like a glitch in the brain. For something it can work well because people with OCD can be so detail oriented, IF you learn to apply these "skills" to PRODUCTIVE things.
Getting stuck in a "one-track mind" is common for people with OCD. And while we are still smart, capable of using common sense, practical etc. when we get stuck, we get stuck.
I'm sure you have heard of the rubber band method ( most people with OCD have tried that one at some point in time) You wear a rubber band around your wrist and when you OBSESS over something, you SNAP the band. It might snap you out of it because you basically go from one obsession to.. another. I used to have little bruises on my right wrist from the rubber bands. Which made the snapping into a ritual where NOT being bruised was the goal... or... at least have an even number of bruises...
Your therapist can teach you some visualization techniques as well. Something that will work for you. Where you teach yourself to STOP but having to focus on other things.
And of course, there is the "get mad" approach. You are allowed to get mad that someone treated you with so little regard and it is OK to get mad at your "brain" for not letting such an idiot go mentally. If that can snap you out of it.. go for it.
Physically abrupt your train of thought can work for some too. Which means if you are sitting at work or home thinking "woe is me why oh why or how can I fix this for the future" GET up, and DO something. IF you are home start cleaning, take a shower, go for a run, bike ride, juggle (yes juggling can work too) draw, paint - BE productive. IF you are at work, take a bathroom break, get 5 minutes of fresh air. Go over your workload and find new solutions.
But first of all, talk to your therapist. Work on tools. Ask her for suggestions to books you can read as well and don't give up.
Last but not least most of US run into people who will take advantage, in that respect you are not "special" or easier target. Some people take advantage, so don't. Unfortunately, the ones the do, don't wear a sign around their necks.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 October 2016):
 Maybe you just haven't found the right medication combination that works yet for you. Sometimes that alone takes years to figure out. I would continue with therapy, maybe look into yoga or guided meditation, it seems silly but it can help you shut your brain off a lot quicker that sheer will power.
Put men on the backburner. Don't think about what men you need to avoid in the future, what men are like this past man etc. What you need to do is focus on preserving your mental health. You need to figure out the best ways to take care of yourself. There was a period in my life--actually yoga encouraged it!--where I was very interested in just playing with life, and by that I mean..just very pleasure-focused, social pleasure, personal pleasure, just joy-seeking and bliss-seeking. You know, letting yourself talk outloud in public or fart without holding it in for the sake of pleasing society, just 100% embracing me and what I was about during that time.
The fact is--and I think you know this--you can't reason out what happened to you in your relationship. You don't have two brains. You will never know all of what he thought and what he felt about the relationship. Asking yourself once or a million times will not get you any closer to knowledge. And I know that's uncomfortable. I am the same way-I don't have OCD, or at least have never been diagnosed with it- but I DO ruminate and I DO have obsessive thoughts I go over and over until I get so sick of them they don't matter any more or I "figure" something else out with them.. but I think long term, the more I do this, the worse the spiral is to get out of. I think the healthier thing to do though-and absolutely easier said that implemented-is LET YOURSELF BE UNCOMFORTABLE. Just sit in that place of discomfort, embrace the discomfort, and realize-hey I am trying again to make sense of it, I'm doing this because I'm still in pain, I still hurt from the breakup, but --SOMETHING. Figure out a way to spin your narrative, to something positive--example: But I'm working on ME right now, or "my life is good right now" or "I have gratitude for the things I DO have," or even "I'm happy I recognize this discomfort, and I'm going to reward myself for recognizing it by getting an ice cream bar,"
something where you can recenter yourself.
Catching yourself with the bad thoughts and reframing the bad thoughts is not always 100% effective. But that's why it's also good to get a break from your thoughts-be social, get out there and figure out the activities that engage your brain and interrupt the stream of thoughts. There must be something out there for you, you just have to be strong enough to find it.
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