A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Like I said in the question, you couldn't make this up. I will give you a bit of background and I would appreciate any advice, please do not be nasty or just rude, this is very very hard for me. We were together for five years, got together when I was 19, in this time, we had broken up about three times and each time I slept with an old boyfriend ( I am trying to be honest) I don't know why I did this as I loved my boyfriend very much. We took a break for a while, he "saw" other people and I had a fling with a guy...we then got back together, I didn't tell him about the fling as he knew him and hated him. A year went by and we broke up. A few months later I really missed him and told him I wanted him back, we started seeing each other again, then I find out he is seeing someone else. I couldn't let him go, somehow we ended up in a situation where he was seeing us both. I fell pregnant, he continued to see us both, she knew about the guy I had a fling with and made it known and now my ex will not get back together with me because of the fling I didn't tell him about, even though we have a daughter together. I desperately wanted it to work and tried everything to fight and fight for him. He continued to say he was confused and unsure about what he wanted, mostly that he didn't want to be with me because what I had done to him, but he would still sleep with me. 2 years this has been going on, our child is now a year old and now the other woman is pregnant, he is saying she will have a termination, but I believe she planned this and will not. He constantly makes me feel worthless. Yes I made mistakes, but did this really deserve two years of constant back and forth and now for yet another child to possible be brought into this mess. I want to get over him and move on with my life, but when I try I feel him pulling me back in. Please someone help me.
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (13 October 2007):
What do you want to do. Sometimes it is better to forgive and forget. Get checked for disease and let him know the peanlty for another offense. You are not worthless and he needs to be told you will no longer accept his disrespect.
A
female
reader, toughlove +, writes (12 October 2007):
Oh my God, you have a child!!! If that is not enough to pull you out of this, I don't know what is. You have someone's unconditional love, this beautiful person in your world, someone to build a whole world and a family with, you are so lucky already! who needs some selfish guy?
You seem to need some kind of a validation from him, forgiveness for past mistakes and to understand that you are a worthwhile woman and human being, but all you can do is apologize. Think about it: you had a fling, he's been having a concurrent affair for two years, how is he someone who can validate you? He is worse than you! Everyone wants a complete family, but you have to be thankful for what you have and accept what you don't. At this point, no matter how you twist it, you are a single mother. This man is not marriage material.
I can completely relate to wanting to be in love, but like it was told to me: love is a butterfly, you have to wait until it lands on your shoulder.
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