A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to see if I’m being sensitive or not, I can’t get over the fact after 6 years of marriage with two kids of how my husband proposed. We’ve been dating for 5 years before he propose and the way he did it makes me sad till to this day. I see my friends and family getting proposed to and it’s nothing like ours and it’s starting to make me angry towards my husband and my anger is growing over time. Sometimes we fought about it cause I felt like he didn’t consider my feelings at all. I brought up marriage after 3 years of dating him but I stopped cause he got angry everytime, shorty after 5 years into our relationship I was thinking of leaving him cause I see no future with him. My brother told him so he went bought a ring to propose. He was a big mommas boy that his mom told him to bring me to her house and propose to me there so he don’t waste money on a date ....he did exactly what his mom said, we were in a small quest bedroom he took out the ring and threw it on the bed “there’s the ring you always wanted, you always wanted to get married right?”, I was crying not because I was happy but because I was upset of how he propose to me. We live together in a apartment at the time so I don’t understand why he took me to his mom’s, I did told him about how upset I was the next day but he said his mom is a Christian woman she knows what’s best for us (his mom was a home-wracker). He regrets saying that to me right now cause I will never forget it, he was 30 and I was 26 when he proposed he was not a child to listen to his mom. He just apologize to me everytime I brought it up, I know we can’t fix it but everytime I hear someone getting engaged I get very sad and ugly that I was not good enough for that.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (12 April 2019):
 So why did you accept it? If it hurt you that much surely you’d of said no. It’s too late to do anything about it now so you need to accept what happened.
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male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (12 April 2019):
 He stuffed up.. Big time. Ok we all do at some point. Does he love you and treat you right. Sounds like he regrets his actions. I understand how important this was to you. But if he is your rock and he loves you i think he deserves a second chance. Im sure you have made mistakes in this relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2019): Try a vowel renewal. You can do everything over. Give him a second chance to get it right. Also if he's a good husband now I'd just be glad he changed for the better , people make mistakes.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2019): You have been given great advices by the aunts and auncles so far,just want to add, remember a lot of fairy tale proposal marriages can end in ugly divorces too. Yours was different that is all. Now FGS get on with the other serious matters of life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2019): I don't understand why you would have accepted that proposal. Were you desparate to get married? It sounds like it. I certainly wouldn't have acceopted such piss poor attitude of a proposal.
Your anger is misplaced. You said yes but you also said yes to his way of proposing. You should let the past go and move forward in your ,arriage which, by the sounds of it has no issues.
Good luck.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 April 2019):
 You were good enough, but you CHOSE to accept his crappy “proposal”. I’d have cried and said “no chance”, then left. You stayed with him too long, to be honest, when it was clear he was a bit of a jerk who didn’t want the same things as you. He resented you for nagging about marriage, so I understand why he was horrible about it, but it doesn’t excuse him doing it the way he did.
Sit down with him and ask him to plan a date once per month. No crying, no anger, just calm. Say that you’d like a little romance in your marriage and it would help make up for the proposal. If he refuses, you know where he stands and you have to make a decision about how happy you’ll be in this marriage for the rest of your life.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (9 April 2019):
 OP, I do understand that you aren't happy with the way you were proposed to. It showed very little initiation or romance and I think most ladies would have been disappointed. I get that. You did say yes though. You didn't have to. It was 6 years ago and yet you are still letting it fester like it happened yesterday! WHY??? Want to know something? I have been married more than once and NEITHER time was I proposed to! Both times we went and picked out rings and they were given to me right in the store.
Yes some ladies are lucky and have incredibly romantic men that plan and plan and plan...but many men don't know how to be romantic and have that story book romance proposal. Does it mean they are bad guys? No..they just don't have imagination or the time..or whatever.
It its truly something you can't get over then why don't you chat with your hubby?? Tell him not in an angry or confrontational way that you would love to be wooed and maybe have a "do over" someday? STATE THAT YOU WANT SOME ROMANCE. Its worth a try.
Bringing it up over and over and being weepy and angry isn't going to help the situation at all. Perhaps your husband feels embarrassed or ashamed by how it was..I don't know. Carrying around anger though is NOT the answer. If there are other issues going on...get counselling. Please remember that there are many women who would love to just be married and aren't. You have what many women don't and if the rest of your life is happy...let it go.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 April 2019):
 You obviously accepted the proposal. So your anger is misplaced. You need to look at yourself instead if him. Why did you not think you deserved better? Why did you accept? Why did you want to marry this man in the first place? You nagged to get married, and I think his proposal sounds fitting of him as a person, and also the situation.
What can you do to «get over it»? Learn to love yourself. Set your own standards, and learn to walk away when you should. Dont just accept whatever. Now you are married, and the proposal is old news. But from here on, learn to set your standards, love yourself, decide for yourself what you are worth, and learn to walk away when you need to. You are not obligated to say yes, just because someone throws you a ring...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2019): All girls want a fairytale proposal. Your expectations are your own worst enemy. I envisioned being a mommy as having a "normal" child. Well, as it turns out he wasn't. He has special needs. I am not going to hate my husband because of it or cry about it for the rest of my life because all my friends have "normal" children and I don't! Make the best out of your life. Don't dwell on the past. It ruins the present and the future!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2019):
 Oh, that IS a horrible proposal, OP
The thing is, you CAN NOT change the past and... YOU said yes instead of telling him to DO better on the proposal if he wanted you to accept.
You BOTH made it what is was.
HOW a guy proposes really has nothing to do with how good of a husband is is going to be or how good a marriage can become. I have a good friend who was proposed to after a carriage ride through town and a balloon ride. Pretty elaborate proposal. They lasted 2 years. So, there is that to consider. My husband DID propose in public and I was actually embarrassed because I felt a proposal is a PRIVATE thing. But he was cute and I loved him, so I said yes. That was over 20 years ago. I don't really think much about that EVER. My brother proposed (rather badly) to his partner of many many years ONLY because their two daughters asked them why they weren't married. They have been together 32 years.
Either you, NOW have a good husband and marriage or you don't.
The PROPOSAL is not what makes or break a marriage, the husband and wife's relationship IS.
Talk to your husband and perhaps agree on 2 things, 1 some marriage counseling (because that can ALWAYS add something to a marriage) and 2. talk about REDOING your vows in (let's say) 4 years - that would INCLUDE another proposal. Give him a second chance to DO a better job of it.
I know it might not mean as much as the first one, but it's better than holding on to anger, regret and.. well spite towards your husband.
He was probably very nervous when he asked you, even if you had been dating a long while and he also PROBABLY thought his mom's advice was sound. I also think he proposed at his mom's because he wanted to include her in a way (or SHE wanted to be included).
REGARDLESS, there is no going back. YOU need to stop beating him AND yourself up for something that is essentially POINTLESS today. You ARE his wife, he IS your husband.
WHAT is important is to make the marriage work.
Personally? I would try to see it from a humorous standpoint. There isn't much else you CAN do.
Besides the proposal do you have any issues with your marriage and your husband?
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 April 2019):
 I always felt that my proposal story was the worst ever but yours tops mine easily. (I accidentally proposed)
There are some things he could do to resolve this but if you tell him how to do this It won't work. that is what happened last time. If he will come and talk with us we can help.
As for advice to you, you are in charge of your feelings. But, you have been letting your feelings rule you. Try to turn that around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2019): Let it go. It makes no sense at this point. You apparently agreed to marry him. That was your chance if you didn't want to. No, you are not just being sensitive; but you are holding on to it unnecessarily.
You described him to be a mama's boy. Yet you still married him.
Accepting a proposal is your prerogative. If you didn't like how he did it, that moment was your opportunity to tell him you'll make your decision when he does it right. Your option was to say yes, or no. Well, he's right! You got what you wanted.
Forget it, and move on about it. You can't turn-back time.
You are his wife and the mother of his children now. Is there trouble in your marriage? That's where your concerns should be. Not how someone proposed, when you turned right around and took the ring and married him!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2019): What is your end goal here? Do you want to leave him because of this or stay with him? Yes, that’s a really crappy and awful way to propose, and I’d be upset, too. But you DID marry him, and now you have children together. Unfortunately it’s a little late to be so angry now.... so let’s figure out what you can do to move on, if you want to stay with him.
Why did you agree to marry him at that time, if he proposed that way? Did he somehow do something to make it up back then? Did he do anything special, kind, loving, that made you say yes and go through with the wedding? If yes, focus on that and try to forgive.
If no, then I’d there anything he’s done since wedding that makes you feel loved and special? Can you tell he’s changed and he wouldn’t ever do such a thing like that to you again? If yes, then focus on that, too.
If he’s still a huge dick, listening to his mom over you, being a terrible father and husband then... well that’s a different question for you to seriously contemplate.
So bottom line, no you aren’t being sensitive, what he did was awful. BUT, for whatever reason, you’re chose to marry him and have kids now. Did you want to be with him, or was it really just the ring and status you wanted? If you’re staying, you HAVE to move on and forgive and let go or else you are the one hurting the relationship.
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