A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:PLEASE HELP!! I split with my BF after a lot of fall out's over the last few months. He has told me that he is not ready for commitment and that we are over, and he said that I should know this, as he has not slept with me for a number of weeks. We agreed to stay freinds.Anyway, I felt very horny this morning, and decided to text him for some sex tonight, as that has always been good between us. He then texted back saying' You know we are not in a relastionhip? but ok, I will come over and give it to you. I am not going to stay at your house, and sleep over' . I was like ok. Now, the problem is,I am still a bit emotionally attached to him, but I do want the sex. Am I heading for more heartbreak? If he did not want me at all, he would not even come over for that right? He does not want the drama of a relationship - he made that quite clear, but I cannot be bothered to go out and find a new guy right now, and I still fancy the pants of my BF. Am I making a big mistake? Why is he saying yes? Am I being stupid? I just get really horny for him... and to be honet , I miss him a bit. Thank you for your answers. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk Guys and grils. I saw him last night and has sex, and infact realised that I now have control in this situation. I actully feel LESS attached to him now, and am going to use him for sex only. That is all he is good for anyway, I have realised. It has been a good thing. He can use for sex..I too can use for sex. I thought he was going to be in and out and he wasn;t . he hung out and looked a but sad, and lost. the idiot. I shall use him utnil I can replace him. My feelings have actually lessened since thisx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): I think he may be hoping that it will be "just sex" for you too, which is why he may come over. But when you become upset, he realises that you still have feelings, which is why he does not sleep with you. I think he may know that if you sleep together, it will cause you pain and keep you emotionally attached, which is not what he wants. He wants sex and nothing else. Maybe he agreed the last time you asked because he is wondering if you have gotten over the emotional aspect, and could cope with no-strings sex now.
I can understand it must be hard to resist the temptation to have sex with him. I had that once too. I broke up with someone and was struggling to move on. When I thought of him, I thought of sex. I sometimes wanted to contact him to offer no-strings sex, it was that bad. But I didn't, because he had hurt me, I knew I was still not over him and was therefore vulnerable, and I wanted to keep some sense of pride in myself. It was tough, but the sexual feelings towards him DID die away. I think about him now...and I feel nothing.
It is still your decision, but I think that with more time, the feelings will fade. There isn't a quick fix to make it go away unfortunately. It takes time. I just fear that by sleeping with him, instead of getting it and him out of your system, it will have the opposite effect and make the process longer and more painful. That's just what I think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for taking the time to answer me. I really do appreciate it. Thank you.
Well, the thing is guys and girls the last how many times he has come over in the last month he has made a point of NOT sleeping with me. He said this was too show me how much he cares about m, and that he is not just using me for sex, and that when we do do it, he says I get upset and emotional... and that's why he stopped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): You are still attached,and i think this is the reason you get sexually revved up. If there was nothing emotional, then as you both know each other well, then why not? It is not like that though,and you are ignoring the reality of what is likely to happen as regards to your feelings being hurt. If he didnt want you,"yes" he could come over for sex as some men think with thier dicks. Be careful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers, but somehow, I need to see this through, until I get bored of having sex with him, and it burns itself out. I really need this to happen, as when I think of him, I think of sex. I am trying to be in control here, and am determined that I won;t get hurt. The thing is, I miss him when i do not see him.. and it;s really hard getting over him, so I guessed it might be easier to see him and have sex which is pretty bad thinking I know, but i cannot see any other way out, as I have tried the cold turkey, and I can't do it.:o(
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): He is saying yes because you have agreed to no strings sex. You asked him for sex, he made it clear he wants nothing more, and you have said that is okay. So what has he got to lose? It really is just about sex for him, and nothing more.
If you are still emotionally attached to him, it could get messy and painful for you. Already, you are questioning his motives, wondering why he has said yes, thinking he wouldn't say yes if he didn't want you at all. It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that he feels more for you, even though he has made his feelings and intentions here clear.
So yes, I do think it could be upsetting for you if you start to sleep with him, because you would always be hoping for more. That would prevent you from moving on, and would keep you "stuck" on him. It will also lead to disappointment.
But the choice is really yours to make. If you would still like to have sex with him, and he accepts that, then you are both adults and can do what you choose. But just take care of your emotions too. Because while you may get short-term physical satisfaction, the emotional side of things may become painful. So that may be something to bear in mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know. I just want to kind of see it out to the end if that makes sense? I will still be loking out for other new guys, and I actually want the sex to burn itself out, as that is the only way I am going to get over him.. plus we both enjoy it.The sex has been what has kept us both hooked... I somehow need to see it out until it;s burnt out of that makes sense?
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