A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I know this sounds really dumb, but it's been bothering me for some time and I can't seem to get over him. Last summer I had my first boyfriend. We spent literally every day together because he was leaving to go to a different country at the end of the summer. I know a summer isn't that long of a time, but we were constantly together and we grew very close. We were intimate, but never had actual sex (I'm not sure if this could possibly be a factor but since I had never even kissed a boy before we were together I'm guessing it did have some sort of affect on me). He told me he loved me before he left, but I never said I loved him back because I didn't want to say something that wasn't completely true. But when he finally returned and we were talking on the phone to make plans for us to visit each other I told him I did love him, because I felt like I did. We talked for about a month after he left, we were still trying to figure out vacation times for us to visit each other but didn't make any concrete plans. And then, completely out of the blue, he stopped talking. He had asked me if we could skype the next day and I said that I wasn't going to be able to since I was helping a friend out that day and couldn't cancel on her. That was the last time we spoke. Every time I sent him a message he didn't reply. I asked his friends, they said they didn't know what was going on. Eventually I stopped trying. However, since that initial relationship I haven't had a single crush. I dated a guy for four months but I later realized we just weren't the best together and called it quits. I also ended up hooking up with my first boyfriend's friend impulsively. The thing that bothered me most was that I had no emotional repercussions about these two guys. I didn't care if they called me back, I didn't care that we weren't together anymore, I was completely unfazed which is from my idea of things not what a break up is usually like. I even have dreams about my ex coming back and explaining that everything was a misunderstanding. This is getting ridiculous. Its been over a YEAR. We weren't even together that long! Why is it that whenever he's mentioned I still get butterflies in my stomach? Why does it still make me sad? How do I let go of this once and for all?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): Here is perhaps the simplified version of what happened from his perspective:
You were his girlfriend and he was very emotionally attached to you. He told you he loved you, but you had ambiguous feelings. He moved away and had second thoughts about committing to someone long distance. He might also have just been caught up in his new life there and tried to move on and grow up. Then you slept with his friend out of boredom.
I'm not sure it's him or your love for him that you keep dreaming about so much as you are dreaming about righting your past with him regarding how you treated him. You might acknowledge that personally and then offer him an apology? Even if he doesn't respond, you get it off your chest.
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