A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i dont even know how to start this, I will try my best to keep it short telling you my problems it might be a little confusing as i am telling 5 years of built up frustration in a couple of paragraphs, but here goes. Ok well i have been in a serious relationship with my b/f for nearly 5 years and i am just sad and depressed with how is making me feel. I still love him but he makes me feel really bad most of the time. He never listens to anything i have to say he is just not interested in what happens in my life. He is never there emotional or mentally for me. He always puts his family before me which i dont mind some of the time but not all of the time. He says horrible things to me that in turn reck our relationship as they can never be taken back if you know what i mean, under the belt kind of things which i never say to him. He is always putting conditions on me eg: like he will not marry me unless i do this... We have been talking about marrage for a while but i am really not sure about marring him now as i dont want to be in a marrage with someone who puts those kind of conditions on me anyway. He is always gambling and lending his bro money for the same thing. When i say something to him about it he calles me a shit person and that he will do what he likes it's his bro and he will help him out if he needs money. It's like i have no say this has been going on for the whole time we have been together and i am just sick of it. Do i have a right to be angry ???He says he loves me but says the most nasty and hurtfull things to me. i dont want to be intimate with him anymore as he is just wrecking my feelings toward him by his actions and verbals toward me. He thinks everything is fine within a couple of hours of us having a fight and expects me to feel the same, if i dont i am a shit person again who cant get over things. He is always telling me to think about things like im the one always in the wrong he never thinks he has done anything. The only time he talks to me is when we go out for drinks and even that is pretty dull. What should i do ?? I don't now weather he's just stressed at work or what but i seem to be the one coping it all the time. I guess it was nice at the start but is just getting worse as time goes on.
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male
reader, Daleface  +, writes (19 August 2009):
Hiii,I'm not sure whether people come on here looking for support or unbiased honesty, sometimes both sometimes either!But if I take the honesty road; I've myself been in a similar situation as the male role - not so much been nasty as you've put it but I've been in a similar place.It's kind of like U2's "With or without you", I found that as much as I absolutely loved the person I was with, I had a lot of crap enstilled in the back of my mind and it threw me into places that I normally wouldn't go, it came and went but I guess as the relationship went on it became more and more frequent, and if I'm honest I can't entirely explain why apart from my personal commitment issues, which I'm sure as a 5 year relationship he probably doesn't have!I don't believe the nastiness belongs to you, I see it more of a displacement from other negative inputs in his life, which of course could be work etc etc etc.Its difficult to lend words when you're not in someones place but if I was my partner ( previous relationship ) I would have got rid of me a lot earlier. I personally knew what I was doing as much as I hated it, it was uncontrollable to a degree. You come across as if you've become dominated by your partners ways, as in; his 'change' has become routine, and you have in turn been absorbed by the same routine. I reckon you should play a different card; which is an annoying one to the other person which is very much passive, don't completely ignore him just back down a lot and it will take the affect on him that something is wrong in the relationship - it could go two ways; either he realises what he's doing and perhaps you get back on track - OR, he see's it as the excuse he's been looking for to get out the relationship, and you get a big bunch of your answers! - its always a long shot in this kind of stuff but, a shot is a shot! :)
A
female
reader, Honest_Answers +, writes (19 August 2009):
 You haven't written one positive thing in that question so I think you've answered your own question sweetheart. You sound miserable and confined within a claustrophobic relationship. He tells you you're a shit person?! You are well within your rights to get pissed off at that! Take a good nights sleep then re-read what you wrote today, if you still feel the same as you did when you wrote it then think about what your reasons are for staying with him. But from what I've just read you sound like a woman who's made up her mind so take the next step.
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