A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for seven years.. At this stage, I love him still but it feels like the joy has gone. Apart from that, he's quite a grumpy person and not too affectionate. I'm starting to crave love .. I want to feel wanted and loved. I try talking to him but he doesn't get it, he thinks everything is fine. I know that if I break up with him that it will come as a shock... He's not very social with girls I'd be worried that he would end up alone, but I also have to think of myself. We also have two dogs together. Can anyone give me insight on how it is when you leave someone that you still care for? Is the grass really greener on the other side?Thanks in advance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): Wow haha I thought you were my girlfriend there for a minute as you're about the same age, have been with him the same amount of time and I can be grumpy as hell.
That was until I read the affectionate part, I'm very affectionate I still crave my girlfriends touch and a cuddle, have 5 dogs but they're mainly mine and my girlfriend never "tries" to talk to me she damn well makes sure I know there's a problem when there is one. That's where you're going wrong here OP. If you're "trying" to talk to him yet he still thinks everything is fine then you're not getting your point across at all for some reason and the usual reason for that would be you're not being clear and stern enough about this to him or making it clear that you're starting to consider walking away because of it.
First things first OP, do you love him or are you in love with him? Is this a relationship you want to continue if he starts making the effort again? You need to figure out whether he can actually make this better of whether this relationship has just run its course otherwise you're just wasting your time.
Now if you want this relationship to work then you have to stop "trying" and it damn well clear to him that this relationship is dying and you're on your way out, you need to be very blunt in letting him there's some major problems here that need fixed and if they're not fixed you have to move on.
If you're just not in love with him anymore, not happy being in the relationship and there's nothing he can do. Then for both of your sake you need to walk away. OP you say he's not sociable with girls, he's had you for 7 years so he hasn't needed to be and if he got you, he can get another girl again it's not hard at all. I could go out tonight and get one if I wanted and have enough experience through having long term relationships that I can make them work too.
It's rather simple OP, you want to know how you leave someone you care for? Easy because it's better to set a person free rather than stay with them through guilt. It will take a long for both of you to get over this relationship and if it's not going to work out then the longer you leave it the longer you waste his and your time in moving on. 7 years is a long time, neither of you will be completely over it until minimum next summer and it usually takes far longer than that, if it's not going to work out you really should feel more guilty about sticking around. Is the grass greener? Maybe, maybe not but if watering your own grass doesn't bring it back to life then yeah it's greener on the other side because you don't actually have any grass.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (3 September 2012):
 It's very important to maintain affection in a relationship, your boyfriend needs to understand this. If you show affection you feel like more affection, it feeds itself.
I recommend a book: Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson. It is very insightful on this process.
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