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female
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anonymous
writes: i'm 17 and eversince my bf of a year broke up with me 2 months ago, my life has went downhill. i've flunked all my tests because i don't get the urge to study, i have no inspiration now that he's gone.(i was a high school valedictorian!) i've turned into this bad girl, bad-tempered, untrusting person since he left. i don't have real friends, all friends i've met during my 6 months in the uni seem all fair-weathered friends, they're just fun but i can't turn ro them for help. my h.s friends are all far away now so i can't talk to them much.my family doesn't love me that much, i was like the black sheep and they'll always remember all the bad stupid things i've done. i can't get over my ex, i love him, i've tried everything to move on but here i am still loving him, we're still friends and he still cares for me but it's really sad that he doesn't love me enough to be in a relationship with me. it pains me that i love him more than he loves me, and to top it off, my life has went downhill without him. he used to be my lover, my bestfriend, and now i've lost him.i miss my bf, and i don't have true friends or family to help me. what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): First off I am sorry that you are feeling so blue. You say something in your post that concerns me: Your family doesn't love you so much and treats you like the black sheep.
I suspect that this is the core reason that you are failing at everything you try, not the break up with your boyfreind. The break up was just the catalyst that got you started feeling like you must truly be unlovable, that your family is right about you after all. I know this must be a very painful thing for you, but your logic is twisted, trust that, it is just twisted.
I know you may think this is a cop out on my part, but I think you really need some professional help to get through this and start feeling better about yourself. I think you need to have some family therapy, because it is not OK for your family to treat you like the black sheep if that is what they do, it isn't right, it isn't fair to you that they dump all their own failures to be happy onto you, because that is what they are doing. You are just a kid really and not responsible for the happiness of your parents.
What I would do if I were you is speak to your parents about your troubles and ask if they will pay for some therapy for you. Look for a PHD behavioral or cognitive behavioral therapist. You can start with your university to see if they can refer you to someone, or your doctor...then go to that person and see if you like them, if you do not like the therapist or don't think they like and respect you, try another one until you find one that you can talk to, but don't just leave therapy because you don't like what you hear...A good therapist will not give you advice straight away, they will ask you lots of questions and ask what you are feeling, and will listen intently, but then they will have you do some work, and you must do that work in order to change things for yourself...please do this for yourself as I think you are on a self destructive path and you don't want to waste your time heading down that road. Chin up.
A
female
reader, Evangeline  +, writes (22 October 2006):
 Considering your only 17, being with a guy for a year is a long time and it is perfectly normal to be so upset considering you only split up 2 months ago. It will take time for you to feel better and get back on your feet again, but it is important to know that you will feel better in time and meet someone else.
Try and find out if there you have a school councillor or someone you can talk to about how you feel, (even your doctor), I know that this may seem intimidating but it maybe good for your school to know indirectly that your having a tough time at the moment as they will be more lenient and helpful about the acedemic side of things.
It is also normal for everything else to seem much worse if your generally down and therefore I would take another look at friends and family - they may be more of a support to you than they seem. It helps to talk to someone whose not realated directly to the situation like one of your friends who lives further away.
Hope this is a help
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