A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and we have lived together the entire time we have been dating, I would consider this a serious reltionship. He is 26 and I am 21 so he is at an age where he is ready to settle down, have kids, get married and I am nowhere near that, I dont even know if I ever want kids. I am a very social person, I love making new friends and meeting new people but he is not at all and for the last 3 years I haven't been able to be either. We both want different things out of life right now and for our future. I still love him and I'm pretty sure he still loves me but I have this feeling and he has brought it up before too that maybe we should break up because of this. I can't imagine my life without him but in a way I think I'm ready for it. Any advice on breaking up or staying together? I just don't want to hurt him... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): This sounds like a relationship I was in a couple of years ago. I was 27 and she was 24. She wanted to start a family and I didnt. I felt smothered. I really thought I would be happier alone again. Do what I want, when I want. So I broke up with her. And I regret that decision every single day of my life. After only a couple of weeks I started to miss what I once had. When I tried to re-kindle the relationship, she had moved on. Now, 2 years later, she has her family and is happy. I believe you only get 1 true love of your life and I let her go. My only advice to you is think long and hard before you make any decisions. You may regret it for the rest of your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): I have seen this many times before. Your age difference IS and WILL pose some complications between you two. What you have to ask yourself is "In 1, 2 or 3 years, will I regret breaking up with him? Will I long for the life we had together? How happy am I, really???"
I think the best advice I can give you is to simply sit him down and talk to him. I know it will be hard to bring this up because you probably think it will spawn another fight. But it REALLY is the BEST thing you can do. Maybe you two can work it out or maybe he will feel the same way. You won't know until you try. Be honest with him. Tell him EVERYTHING that is on your mind. Believe me, it will lift a great weight off your shoulders, and who knows, you two may even become closer than ever before.
GOOD LUCK
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell guys thanks for the answers, just wanted to add some more to what had already been said...we had a fight 2 weeks ago because i wanted to go out with a friend i have been 21 since november and hadnt gone out at all...so i asked him if he wanted to go and he said no so i went anyways...when i got home there was this huge fight between us and he was like "apparently you have no problem just ditching me" and i told him he was invited but decided not to go i feel like i cant have a life outside of him i cant do things without him getting mad at me. before him i was in a really bad relationship for 2 years and now with him (which he is a GREAT guy) for over 3 years so i have been in a relationship for almost 6 years of my life and i feel like maybe i am just craving for freedom...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): everyone feels differently about the type of situation ur in. u just have to think, is being 21 more important than the love u have and share. u need to think long and hard about this because in a few years when u look back, u may have regrets. no one wants to feel that. the decision is urs and urs only. i just turned 24 2wks ago. and got married a month and half ago. ive been with my husband who is 27 for almost 6 years. we met on my 18th birthday. when i look back to my young adult years. i do not miss a thing. of course i think i grew up young and ready for the world. im also pregnant with my first child which we have tried for 2 years. so like i was saying everone is different. and if u want the single life, experience something new, then better now than later right.
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A
male
reader, timesbestfriend +, writes (22 August 2007):
We'll hmmmm that's a tough 1. We'll if he really is the one 4 u then it should b obviouse 2 stay with him. U said it urself that u want different things in ur life. But that's the thing human beings r different and that's wat makes everyone special. So wait it out and c how things go. Or u can sit down and talk about it and ask him...wat does he want and were does he plan 4 this 2 go...I kno u love him and don't want 2 hurt him, but if u realy arnt ment 2 b together then dragging things out would only make it harder and harder and it would b keeping u that much further away from that 1 special person u r ment 2 b with. So just ask him and find out wats up with him. Cuz I don't kno any mind reader and I'm sure he is wondering the same thing. So just talk 2 him and if its not wat u want then tell him that ur not ready 4 that right now..and if u know he's the 1 tell him that u r not ready now but u kno that he is the 1 person 4 u and 2 just wait a while...because getting married and things lik that is just a title, its the real love that counts and matter....I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): uhh dear. I know how you feel. I have been with my fiancee for 4 years. i'm 23 and he is 24. He is a great guy. Kind caring, sensitive. But he wants to settle down and have kids and i really dont. to be honest i miss my single life. But i am a little scared of it as well. Scared but excited if that makes sense. i know the right thing to do is break up. But its easier said tahn done isn't it?
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