A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help deciding what to do about my ex-girlfriend, whom I still love and want back very badly. We dated for about 15 months and everything was great. Then she started feeling overwhelmed by the thought that we might be together forever and she said she needed "a break" because she wasn't ready for that. It's been about 6-7 weeks now. We've had limited contact (considering that we work together). We've met for coffee twice and written each other letters. Things have been cordial for the most part. We last spoke about 2 weeks ago. I had asked her, in a letter, to come over on Friday night understanding that if she didn't, it was just time for me to move on. She never showed up and never called or texted. So, I was crushed but at least I had my answer. The following week, she came to me and told me she didn't come because she wasn't yet ready to, but is feeling better about the idea of being in a serious relationship and promised that she would come over when she's ready. She says she still loves me. However, she doesn't expect me to wait for her because it wouldn't be fair since she doesn't know how long that will be. We haven't spoken, other than a polite "hello" when we see each other since that day. To be honest, I've been somewhat avoiding her and limiting communication. My question is, am I crazy for getting my hopes up about us getting back together after that conversation? I'm in love with her and thought all along that she could be the one. I'm not ready to move on and give up on us. Should I keep my distance and continue avoiding/ignoring her or should I do something to show her how much I still love her? Is it possible that she really does still love me? Is it possible for someone in her position to suddenly decide they want to get back together after so long? And if she does, how do I go about taking her back without being a doormat?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Hi
As a PS I also meant to recommend aunt Dorothy Dix's article on the components of good relationships. My list of answers today shows I just sent Dorothy Dix a followup today, complimenting her, as she says it all as far as what matters - and her own follow up in the replies adds even more useful tips.
Best wishes with all this, regards
Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response. I've been going to the gym 5-6 times a week to blow off steam. I don't really have much interest in other girls right now. I'm trying to be good to myself, it's just hard to find the motivation sometimes. But thank you for taking the time to answer.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 May 2011):
it is entirely possible that she could relent, though do not wait forever. Couples often have a temporary hiatus, though you cannot put your life on hold indefinitely.
She will still be watching you, so while you are waiting for her to decide it may be important to not start showing interest in other girls.
She may or may not be 'the one'
But you can demonstrate you can still live your life. And that you have drive and energy and the commitment to succeed, with or without her.
Join a gym and visit at lunch time.
Join a volunteer group and do good for others.
Pin up some affirmations at home and say the affirmation out loud to a mirror so you can see your face and hear the words as you intend
Reconnect with old friends who have been supportive of you in the past.
don't return to those you know who might try to get you drunk or worse.
Maybe visit a life coach To assess your life and what you want in your life.
Try not to let your life slide while she makes up her mind
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