A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Where do I begin? I've recently split up with my girlfriend of 7 years as I'm in love with someone else. Everything is a mess, our lives are all so interwoven and it's been the process of many years.There has always been something between me and this other girl since I met her about 4 years ago. She had a boyfriend at the time but told me she liked me. My relationship had lacked excitement for quite a while before this so I'd be a liar if I said this didn't excite me as I'd always liked this girl. Nothing come of it as we were both in relationships, but I'd get the odd message now and then saying she wished things were different, or if she seen me out she'd text saying I looked nice or whatever.Over time her and her boyfriend became part of my immediate group of friends and we'd spend a lot more time together. I mean going on trips abroad and nights out etc.. My feelings have always been there and being around her so much more made it worse. Inevitably my girlfriend and this girl became friends.Now fast forward a year or so and this other girl has now left her boyfriend. We kissed on a trip away and never told anyone, it seemed like it was bound to happen eventually. Now I didn't want to leave my girlfriend as despite my feelings for this other girl I still loved her and I knew how much leaving her would hurt her (I've since learned the hard way this is the easy way out and causes more pain in the end), so eventually this other girl met someone else and it was very difficult to compute, it hurt me so much and we didn't talk for quite a long time but as the other girl said "you can't expect me to wait forever", which is true.By this point I am quite deeply in love with this other girl and am struggling to deal with my feelings. My relationship suffered as a consequence, we weren't having sex (though this was the case before I met the other girl, I think may of contributed to why this happened), and I found myself pining for the other girl. Some time later we got talking again and spending a bit more time together which is when she said she still loves me. From that moment things basically evolved into an intimate affair, we're both in a relationship but it didn't stop us. I know it is wrong, both innocent people didn't deserve it and I am shamed, but I couldn't stop it. What makes matters worse is the other girl and my then girlfriend are very matey by now, its all a giant mess.This went on for sometime, we made plans of being with each other and going travelling. It reached boiling point for the other girl though and eventually she called it off as she was jealous of my girlfriend and the situation was a mess, which I completely agree with. Her words were "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be". She cut herself off from my life, no messages, I'd see her less. I wouldn't have a good morning text or goodnight anymore and It hurt me. So much so that I decided enough was enough and ended my relationship to be with her.Now months have gone by and the other girl is still very distant with me, I never hear from her. I message her and let her know we need to talk I need to know where I stand but she dismisses it. and now seems to have become really close mates with my ex girlfriend, I don't need anyone to tell me how messed up this situation is as I already know. I've now found out that they are planning on going travelling together next year (like we were ment to) and I feel completely screwed over and alone. Worst thing is I've had this in my head all this time as I cant speak to anyone about it, this is literally the first time.I feel so alone and hurt, It's all my own doing as well, I'm under no illusions. What I've done is wrong but the heart wants what the heart wants, I just want to be happy but it seems happiness is something that is always out of my grasp. I'm still very much in love with the other girl and wish I wasn't, I know she feels the same way :( She has told me she's upset at how close they've become because of our history and feels awful but it just happened. What do I do? How do I go on from this?Thank you x
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affair, ex girlfriend, jealous, liar, my ex, split up, text, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 August 2012):
 She chose her friendship with your ex-girlfriend over a relationship with you? How do you figure she loves you? I think you have no choice but to cut bait and move on. Leave all the drama in the past and start over.
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