A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:let me start out that i have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year now. i love her so incredibly much. However, something happened not long ago that is really getting in my head and i don't know how to deal with it.my girlfried always had this "friend" who she said she was really close to. I'm not a jealous guy, but their relationship made me uneasy. i would talk to her calmly and let her know how it made me feel, but i ultimately always trusted her and respected her desire to maintain their friendship. and she always reassured me i had nothing to worry about.one night a couple of months back, we had a fight and broke up. We didn't speak for a few days, and then i knocked on her door and asked if we could talk. we agreed that we both missed each other and wanted to get back together. but she told me she needed to tell me something first. she admitted she had slept with her "friend" the night after our break up. i was literally devastated. i asked for a day or two to think. in the meantime, she swore she would remove him from her life if i would just take her back and how she only slept with him because she was really hurt and drunk and looking for comfort. she said she regrettet it deeply. however, why was it only THEN that she suddenly realized how unfair their relationship was? why did she have to sleep with him first?don't get me wrong, i realize she didn't cheat because technically we were broken up. however, it's who it was that really crushes me because she reassured me he was just a friend. and because it was literally one day after we broke up. It hurt incredibly badI decided in the end to forgive her and move forward. i have not mentioned him or brought him up in any way, and she has done her part by doing what she promised and removing him from her life. However, it still pops into my brain sometimes. and sometimes it's more frequent than i would like. i feel like i shared her with this man for so long and she didn't respect me or our relationship enough to remove him until something like this had to happen. i think i still hold some resentment and don't know what to do with these feelings. please, any help or advice would be great. thanks.
View related questions:
broke up, crush, drunk, get back together, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2013): Emotions don't give a shit about technicalities. You were broken up technically but the heart does not change gears that quickly. Of course it feels like she cheated.
You can't blame her technically but you can sure hold it against her judgment. Just because you have the right to do something doesn't make it smart.
The world would be a better place if people didn't so commonly react to breakups by sleeping with someone else right away. It rarely helps and often does damage one way or another.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 November 2013):
 I feel you can reluctantly get past what they did one day after you broke up but you can't get past the fact that she needs more than one man in her life. You would wonder if she's satisfied with just you, until she needs to find a replacement in that "friend" spot. She has shown that she has a weak spot for men's attention, and can't say no and have few boundaries. A person can change momentarily for fear of lose of the relationship, but it takes time. She has to see the importance of treating a boyfriend as priority. It's possible she would only learn it the hard way, which is losing you forever. She also has a tendency to lie for selfish reasons. Right now you are dealing with jealousy feelings but later you will find that there are trust issues as well.
I feel you want to push your feelings aside so that you can enjoy your relationship to get back to where it was. The relationship didn't have a strong start. Don't feel bad about having those feelings. Sometimes feelings are there to guide us and protect us. I have a feeling the agony uncles would tell you to just move on. I don't blame them for thinking that. She has a "thing" for him.
...............................
|
