A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi there i am new to this my question is how do i get over my husband. we have been together for 19 years and have 2 girls. We seperated last september and he has been seeing someone for the past 8-10 weeks. He has caused problems during our seperation due to him taking drugs but since seeing this girl i havent had much bother from him except that he has been calling me names (childish ones at that). My 2 girls have not seen their dad for 7 months due to the way he has been acting and this is their own choice (they are age 8 and 9) he hasn't paid a penny in child support and i am currently dealing with the csa to try and get some from him. I know i should hate him but i still have feelings for him and don't know how to deal with them. Anyone got any acvice for me. Desperate!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like to thank everyone who has responded its nice to hear from people who are not directly involved in my situation and can be totally honest as they are not biased (like my family who are very supportive in this situation). i will take on board all advice given and try to move on the best that i can.
A
female
reader, tobme  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Take time to heal! Try to keep yourself busy with you children anddo stuff that makes you happy :)I know the pain that you are feeling as I faced a divorce after 12 years of marriage and two daughters as well.My job, my friends and family helped a great deal. I did got to counseling as well to help my hurt and help me move on.I still sometimes miss my marriage and the feeling of being "safe" married but I am not missing my ex.We all will mourn our old lives as we heal that is part of the process.You are creating more good memories of a new life that will help you move on.Limit contact as well, it takes time but time does help heal. Good luck and seek counseling if you have too!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): He is on drugs at his age? That's not the type of person you want around your children. They are smart enough to see that he is acting like a jerk and they don't want to see him. You seem like you aren't going to try to get back together with him and that is a good thing. Maybe he is going through a mid life crisis, and feels like seeing another girl and taking drugs and being childish is going to help him feel younger?? What you have to do is keep yourself busy with positive things. It is going to be hard to get over him, as you've been with him for 19 yrs. Maybe you'll meet a nice man. That would help you move on. Just focus on getting child support from him, spending time with your children and other positive things. I would also restrict your contact with him to only mandatory contact. The more you talk to him, the longer it will take for you to stop having feelings for him. He sounds like a loser though and not a good guy. You should tell yourself that you deserve a decent guy..
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A
female
reader, LISAXXXG +, writes (27 July 2007):
 If I'm honest I think the relationship is over between both of you and it takes time to get over someone, it's like a grieving process but think of all the bad things he has done to you, no child support, taking drugs, calling you names... does this seem like a good person for you??I'm all for letting children see their parents and I think it would make you a bigger person if you did this but give him the one strike or you're out. The kids tell him where to go, believe me I had a relationship like this with two kids, maybe not as bad as you but still similar. Turn to your family, I know it's not as easy as you thing they are not on your side but they are!! You need to get out there girl, go see your friends, go to the pub, believe me, someone better is waiting for you just around the corner.
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