A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:let me tell my story here .about 5 years ago , i loved a guy and it happened that he loved me too .we were deeply in love , we used to meet and talk everyday .he understood me well and i did understand him too . 3 years later he popped the question and asked me to marry him.i dont really recall my first reaction but i remember that i told him to think and also consider his family's opinion "who i didnt meet back then" . it happened that his dad had been searching for a date for his son . when he knew that he got really angry and faced his dad and told him that he wanted to marry ME "someone the dad never met!" .he got into real trouble with his family and i didnt like that at all . well, i thought back then , and it now seems the right thing i have done ,that it was all in my hands to step on my feelings and tell him that i didnt wanna marry him and that i would always be a frined. he loved me so much that he said that he was ready to give up on the whole world just to be with me forever .anyway , i insisted that he went out with the date his dad brought him !! in fact i was the one who told him to marry her!!! it really hurt me so much but all what i did was out of love coz i never wanted him to get into trouble becoz of me .on his wedding day , he texted me saying that everything would be more beautiful if i was there with him ...i couldnt sleep that night.everytime he talked to me after that i pretended that im so happy and that i had no problem ..i spent the next year lonely ..me with tears and memories of my lovely days with him.now he has a baby boy and he even sent me his pics.a year ago ,a guy who i considered only as a FRIEND told me that he tried so hard to make me realize that he loves me but i didnt seem like noticing that ..he came and said " i love you " .at first i was shocked coz ive never thought that those words would come out of this person's mouth !! everyday i used to wonder if he was serious or kidding with me ..one day he swore that he loved me ..i believed him and started to go out with him everyday ...we talked about everything ..he even told me about his 2 ex gfs ..he was so honest with me that sometimes it hurt .one thing about him was that he was moody .once he would say " i love u and i cant live without u " and another time would say " i dont think i can start a love relationship right now " ..i thought i could help him forget his past " his gf was getting married at that time" ..i told him that i wouldnt give up on him even if he said that he didnt want "love " ..i was ready to sacrifice everything i had just to make him happy .6 months ago he texted me saying "im sorry but i guess this is the end , forgive me " ..oh God i remember very well how i felt then .i was deeply hurt .i replied to his msg saying that he didnt understand how i felt and how i was ready to do many things for him .i told him how he deeply hurt me by ending it up this way .i didnt really know whether to feel sorry for him or for myself .im kinda trying to forgive him and forget him .i dont know if i did forgive him .i think im still trying.but i definitly didnt forget him .what makes me sure is that recently ive been out with someone and i love this person so much coz i found everything i needed "i hope " .he loves me so much .he introduced me to his family and they loved me too .we meet everyday and now we have a plan of getting married soon as everything seems to go on our way. the problem is when im away from my bf , i start thinking of my ex .i never felt this way when i left my 1st bf and met him though it was a stronger feeling than my feelings for him!..is it that i feel sorry for him as he is not in a relationship right now and maybe want him back?or is it that i still have this idea that he needs me and cant live without me, that he suffered from depression...etc ?? or is it that i still have feelings for him and WANT HIM BACK BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HIM :(??im confused coz the first person i loved and talked about above was really my life and i dont think i'll ever find someone like him but i dont have feelings for him anymore , is it becoz he is married now and has his own life "thu we r still in touch" for the records, i love my recent bf so much and if it didnt work out this time ,i would feel really bad...im so overjoyed that we r getting married .however, i guess i dont wanna spend a minute away from him coz i dont want to remember my ex ..is this a good way to forget coz if i really still have feelings for my ex then im being unfair to the one i love now and ready to say "I DO!" .im so confused and probably obvious from my writing but what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): You should not marry anyone right now, rather not be in any relationship with anyone. Go to a therapist so you can talk through some of these issues as yes, your writing is very hard to follow and indicates you are immensely confused.Just relax, don't commit to anything until you can figure out what you are doing, and talk to a therapist. I don't think your answer is an easy one that can be answered here in a few paragraphs. You need someone that you can bounce ideas off of, talk through all the the issues and you need time.Oh, and I am not meaning any of this as bad or that you are doing anything that any of us have not been through. What you are feeling is perfectly normal, perfectly confusing and perfectly awful when you are in the middle of it. But if you keep going without stopping now you could make a decision you regret years from now. There is no need to rush anything.
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