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female
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anonymous
writes: When I was in my mid teens my cousin came to stay with us. I hadn't really known him before but while he stayed with us he got to know me and one night kissed me. When we met up again months later we ended up carrying on from where we left off (nothing intimate as such just kissing). As time wore on the next time we met up when I was 18 we went out like a couple and he did end up getting intimate with me. Each time over the next few years until I was late 20's we would meet up and really get on well together and then end up kissing and being intimate. We both agreed we could not tell anyone in the family but we both admitted that we fancied each other. Things did eventually stop and then two years ago when my dad died my aunt was not happy with him (not over us) and I said should I write to him and she said he could do with a kick up the backside. I spoke my mind, he was unhappy but when I wrote again he accepted my apology.We then met up at his brother's wedding, his mum asked whether he was speaking to me and I said yes. I felt something wasn't right with him. He greeted me but didn't talk to me much. We hugged each other and then he said that he didn't really like coming over here because of family problems - something wasn't right.Two weeks later I went to his dad's funeral. He greeted me with a loving hug and later at the wake we looked at each other across the room. We looked at each other and I felt a sudden rush of love for him. We sat talking but the way he spoke was as if he didn't know me well and asked me where I was born and had I always lived where I had in when I grew up. He was flicking his hair in a flirty manner and I thought - do you still have feelings for me. It was hard to tell. Do I let him go now or should I find out if he still has feelings for me. He would only ever tell me when we were on our own never in company which is impossible especially around family.I still have feelings for him but is it time now to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): He's a member of your family honey... If anything got any further, then it just couldn't be right... Your family would be mad, and by the way you describe he's treating you, it's time to move on.
It's going to be hard, but this relationship just couldn't survive. It would take a lot of work, and maybe he's realising this. It sounds as though the feeling is still there, but he's fighting it back, and a feeling shouldn't be fought like this. If he feels the need to fight it, then you must too. Try to move on from him, the time for you two to be together has gone, and things would just be too hard. I'm sorry to be blunt about it, but it's true, it would be so hard to make something so complicated work... You're working against the odds here, you need to try and move away from him. Good luck though honey.
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